[Music] right here [Music] so we should give him something to talk about everybody [Music] all alone foreign [Music] oh oh oh oh oh [Music] good in a long time [Music] thank you foreign [Music] hey hey let me know if y'all can hear my voice hey trini's and trendsetters Mr Trent is laughing at my gift but we know what time it is laughs okay okay I'm waiting I know there's a delay so I'm making sure y'all can hear me before I go too far can y'all hear me I hope so I'm not trying to be silent on purpose okay hopefully y'all can hear me I feel like I'm unmute okay okay okay I see thank you Jazzy J thank you pinky so hey Linda gamble Jazzy J who said that hey beautiful Choice hi Miss reesy thank you for joining us um hey pinky again hi Keisha yes we're about to have some fun with this art y'all okay and for anybody coming in that's new to sketchy Saturdays we talk about sketchy topics sketchy people while I also Live sketch for y'all so that's what we are we will be doing if you're a content creator let Choice know because she is here to drop your links as well in the chat as you can see she just dropped Jazzy J and she gonna catch up Pinky and all y'all already know so don't even worry about it hey Sylvia how are you doing I'm so glad to see you oh okay so first I have to say because I have patrons I gotta say thank you to Mary Kelly and Arlita Jordan thank you so much for being a patron I'm gonna post a picture there Mike I promise I gotta clear off my desk it looks horrible over here but I am going to post a pic excuse me a picture of the mic that I got to get early because y'all became patrons um also y'all I am officially monetized so you can join through YouTube or patreon if you like and that's just to get like these lips I'm gonna draw they'll be available to y'all for free via digital download um all the ones that happened before will also be available to y'all they're just not for resale they're for your own personal enjoyment but they are they are there already posted the links if you join YouTube The Links are already available and If you join patreon everything's available already and I usually do it within 24 hours I'll upload the new the next the next newest pair of lips so like the ones I'm doing today should be uploaded no later than tomorrow Pro so yes thank you so much Keisha it feels so nice y'all I got I can talk about it now my feelings were too hurt to say anything but I got rejected 30 days ago and I had to wait 30 days to reapply whoa that was a rough 30. that was a rough 30. okay Jazzy Choice you'll drop it for you thank you so much Jazzy um I appreciate y'all so much and when I tell y'all and it's not just something we put when I say just the fact that y'all like And subscribe to me that is when I tell you that means the most because that's what really keeps us going the most is knowing somebody's showing up for us so I do not discount people that you know that wouldn't necessarily become members of patrons because I can't be everyone's member of Patron myself everybody has a budget so yeah I just want you to know just y'all being here means so much to me I love sharing my art with y'all and just being able to talk about different topics with y'all so I just want to make sure that that's clear I might promote it but I promise you it's okay like I just want to say thank you to those that did but yeah it's all good I promise you promise you but yeah Mr Trenton was laughing because I had I had Beyonce on the intro thank you pinky oh okay so and also you will see a difference because choice is now dropping her cash app in the live so if y'all want to support Choice her cash app will be available on a regular basis as well now so um you know again always always no pressure for anything I'm just letting y'all know about the changes yay Miss 3C you're good I hope you're gonna love it over here then for real okay normally I have some topics lined up for Saturday but I've been so excited and then I got sucked into looking at some other videos that I'm taking notes on so we can do that it's gonna be its own video um I didn't get time to pull topics but I have my Instagram up so it's not that hard to to get some things we can talk about but I wanted to give give y'all a chance first if you already have some hot topics on your mind we can start with those and then I can go digging after that so I'm gonna give y'all some time in case you want to type a topic you already want to talk about anyway we can start with that as I start sketching and I do drop the link early on Saturday so that way I can sketch without having to um have y'all type as much as well yeah now yes yes yes yes we love you too jazzy I'm so glad you were able to make it yes yes yes this is going to be so fun y'all okay go go Jazzy what's your Hot Topic we will start with yours mm-hmm oh sorry health is wealth oh okay do you want me to let you want me to drop the link so you can come up and start on your topic Jazzy and y'all um if there's no one behind you you just can kind of keep going as long as you have something you want to say if someone comes up behind you then I set the five minute timer um and I kind of try to time it from when they came up I'll kind of deduct what we already did just so they're not up there waiting forever but other than that you can just uh you know talk about what you want to talk about that way I can free up my hands to draw but yes I'm excited I hope I do Melody Justice I really really do okay I dropped the link for you Jazzy all right and I'm gonna get started on this sketch and make sure I'm on the right leg not on the right layer already starting off crazy hold on let me get to the correct layer okay there we go oh my gosh well I tell you photoshop today wants to embarrass me thank you thank you Jazzy hey Shan we've been missing you Shan I know you've been working okay Jazzy I added you your avatar won't show up but you're in there Can You Hear Me Jazzy you're not muted on my end Jazzy hey y'all can y'all hear me yes I can hear you okay first I want to talk about health care well but then I was thinking what was y'all thinking about or what do y'all think Mel was thinking about when they was arguing Martel Hotel was mad that Mel wasn't going to speak uh I think Tiffany was the one Tiffany was like you know they could see and hear y'all right or somebody said that like you gotta imagine I went to cam for the show male in the mail brother faith I bet they just died laughing my bad I'm so happy yes I think so too I definitely think so too I think when she I'll go ahead sorry go ahead you go ahead I was gonna say I think two times she thought that when she was there in person and then when she re-watched it when she watched it from the production side yes they had to see them Silhouettes like okay what are they doing I want to connect can they be heard too I think somebody said you could hear somebody did say that we they could hear them I did hear somebody say that oh that's just a hot mess but that's pretty much it I just was wondering what Mel was thinking about do y'all think she was laughing or was she sitting there with a smirk I'm waiting to see if they type something hey Bad Apple and thank you black Titanic I'm live yes bad apple we are drawing a rendition of Melody's uh lips in honor of her lip scrub and then I'll try to send a copy to her we'll see we'll see if it makes it to her but yeah I was I'm like I'm already trying to listen um in her video of her dancing you had like a lot of joy and everything it was at the moment that I saw that uh I was I could reapply for monetization so I was like I'm feeling it like that right now too yes and I just been like um I don't know I've been on cloud nine especially because I did get denied once so it feels extra special it really really does congratulations I'm proud of you thank you Jazzy and I heard and you know choice already been dropping your link but uh uh she yeah I heard that you are starting up your Channel or you working on your channel there's something going on with you as a content creator yeah I wanted to start something okay okay I don't really want to talk about too much of that in general okay okay a little different okay I got you well you know we'll be keeping an eye out for sure thank y'all I'm gonna drop down and let somebody else come up okay Bad Apple again did you not want to talk about health as wealth for now you want to save it you know I was I was on the chit chat last night and I asked I asked the question um about hot flashes I I know I'm dealing with hot flashes but I don't know they said you can't have them at the age of 40 it's called Southern but I don't I never got a hysterectomy on that like that so I was just wondering is it still possible or like why I'm getting a hot flashes if I still got all my my women Parts guys you got you got you y'all if anybody in the chat let us know what's your experience because that's one thing I've seen a lot of people say in those ages when you're 30s and 40s no one's always really talking about what's going on with their bodies you hear about really young what goes on with your body and then really you know as you get up there and age what goes on so I have heard there's like a gap of information hey Arlita I had a slide for you our lead I was just saying thank you again yes but yes um I will say that I think I I'm still in my 30s Jazzy and I swear I've had I caught like two hot flashes over the last two months there was one in one in each month and I don't know what was going on they ain't come back yet but I've I know that was like don't say yet don't say yet please I've been oh Lord Jesus I don't even know I'm like I got all my parts I don't it must not matter I mean I know it definitely matters if if they do hysterectomies but it must not matter uh it must let me see I've heard prenatal vitamins help or hemp seed oil that's what Shea B said welcome to the chat Shady B and Keisha says she started in her 20s I'm about to bring up pinky too so y'all can um also talk to each other too yeah because that means I need help educated I need to be educated on this I'm going to the doctor Monday okay Pinky did you want me to unmute you or you can unmute yourself I just didn't want to do it early if you weren't ready buddy hey everybody hey yo I'm 48. I am 48. and I am just I feel so neglected by menopause I just went I just wonder when it's gonna come are you waiting on it you want the menopause to come yes I'm ready I'm so ready I'm 48 I'm 40. it's not early is that early 40 years talking out loud yes you know you don't want this no joke it ain't what you think I thought that one time I had a irregular administration because I was on birth control and so my best friend was like you're going through early menopause and we were so happy and then it came back I told myself I said well I guess I'm not going through early menopause with them high flashes and them hormones you don't want no parts of that man like what are you supposed to get it because like all of my cousins that are my age they already they've been had it supposed to happen because I can y'all hear me yes we hear you pinky okay no idea because I I I I haven't had menopause on nothing I don't sweat I don't get hot and I've been looking at every all my friends everybody's getting hotter panties okay and I I just asked uh someone just yesterday because she was just finding yesterday and I asked her what does that feel like is it just a come on all of a sudden a heatness or hotness what happens because I'm like I went to my uh lee school yesterday she had a program and I'm sweating I only wanted to you know the full house because I'm the only one sweating I'm Fanning and I'm like I got to get up out of here because I my about time I got home I was uh my shirt and I had never sweated like that with the through my shirt my underground I'm like this gotta be a heat flash I've been dealing with it on and off but it's just starting to get worse and worse and I don't even want to go outside dealing with this stuff everybody said you can get some coke or something like that oh hush and she said that somebody mentioned that in the chat my fellow Leo yeah am I pronouncing it right though with the cohosh yeah black cohosh oh yeah I think so I think so it was that's what I wanted to mention it too because so many people had something to say about in the chat and uh different things that you could do to to get rid of them one second y'all black Titanic has joined I'm about to bring her up with y'all hold on one second and okay how are you thank y'all for allowing me to be here yes happy to have you here let me put everybody's avatars up here miss black Titanic I always want to be on the live with you like I'm so happy to be here today bye I'm with my girl and everybody at Bad Apple and talking that was up okay if I'm happy to be with everybody y'all I still get nervous speaking so now you know you're among friends Jazzy yes you know what we got two queens in uh Huntsville Melanie and then we got uh black Titanic yes we do um somebody somebody said that she's also 48 and she's pre-menopausal yes that was hold on that was was that Keisha hold on yeah that's Keisha 48. yeah I'm so ready for the monthly Madness oh that's why you say okay I'm about to say bad apple I was wondering why she was hoping I see why now okay so tired of it but you want to have a lot of kids don't you I have some children that I didn't birth though thanks to my brother oh but because because he because he always they lose their kids they lose custody of their kids CPS then brought me two children oh no I tell you so yeah but oh no yeah so I that's not my issue my issue I just need for this monthly things to go away I'm tired I don't have any use words I'm definitely not having no babies at 48. why everybody sounds so young too [Laughter] what I'm gonna tell you uh everybody always telling me girl you don't look 48 you you still especially like family members they'll be like you'll always have your baby face and like people be like my doctors when I go to the doctors they'd be like wait a minute yeah the melanin does treat us very well yes it does and so I I thought I heard a young lady said that she was in menopause stage holistic had came up first and brought up menopause um well you know you you can start oh okay that's the yeah that's the Rite Aid menopause some sun can start as early as 33 but 40 is about that the age 40 and uh yeah okay so 40 and up I was saying I'm in my 30s still I'm getting close though getting close to 40. okay I didn't know that yeah I learned things every day I know me too it's true I'm from Texas I don't care about no hot flashes we I have hot flashes on top of being in Texas who is that sit there in Texas you're right it's hot in Texas yeah we've been having now today it is so freaking hot outside we have been having triple digit in Dallas like uh is now now is done got down to 93 because it's gonna rain in a little bit Yeah I cannot wait until the rains 110 Jazzy oh everybody's in Texas we all like Texas I'm in California I'm in the bathroom California okay okay you got that I'm trying to work on my proportion before I really commit to Melody's things I'm trying to make sure her lips are a different type of fool sorry y'all I just like I'll be talking out loud trending right now is women's health and wealth it was like what did you call it health versus wealth uh Jazzy J brought up the topic okay great great well my health I you know what one thing about me I have never had anything the closest thing I have had is a just having blood clots because I was on you know sometime when you get on birth control when you're young you get uh you know how they say uh it calls blood clots sometime like that it happened to me and ever since then it happened I have never been on birth control but uh everything else about I don't have anything going on wrong I'm just a little crazy half of the time but that's right [Laughter] my husband looks at me all the time sad at because he he's trying to figure out what's wrong with me half of the time I'm always jumping jumping he walks past around jumping try to jump on his back [Laughter] yeah well that sounds like a lot of fun yeah yeah and even if he's coming toward me sometimes I just run he don't he thinking I'm gonna walk up on him I run and jump up on him I love it okay yeah yeah I'm just I don't know I I tell people I don't need too much sugar or anything because it makes me I get too hyper I don't know what's wrong with me that's about the only reason that ain't never wrong keep it up I'm just a little crazy yeah my focus is mental health like mental health is the most important to me thing to me uh overall because when your mental health is right you can focus on everything else you can really focus on you yeah you know um you got that right it's the most important thing to be at peace yeah you are so right Bad Apple you all right you feel your best physically a lot of times when you're at peace mentally and you know I mean nothing's attacking you like right nothing affects you no matter how bad something may be or you think or somebody think yeah it doesn't affect you you can just let it go off it's a different kind of reaction that you hear grateful that you can do exactly yeah and you all know you can be sitting around all day long but you you are tired and I and like my brother said what you even been doing ever since all day long I said I'm mentally tired yes mentally yeah your whole body is shut down if you mentally tired even if you haven't did anything physically right right right right it is true symptom of menopause can start from ages 40 to 65. menopause typically begins between ages 40 to 65 and it's affected by genetics okay okay if you come from a family that has a start early you're probably gonna start early come from uh a family that's uh starting late maybe you're gonna start late so genetic health and lifestyle some people include missed periods High flashes and weight gain it says as people age your hormone levels start to change for instance individual assigned females at Birth oh females at Birth become older adults they start transitioning into menopause which can include hot flashes mood swing and other symptoms yeah and then they say what is menopause as you get older is your ovaries produce less of the hormone estrogen and progesterone without these hormones periods becoming ready for a time and eventually stop so everybody don't start at the same age they say it depends on your genetic okay so bad apple do you know when your mom or grandmother started my mother actually had a hysterectomy in her 30s okay so she never did have to go through it um other than that I have no idea to be honest okay okay your mother was lucky because most people were hysterectomy they experienced hot flashes all the time so she was lucky that she didn't have to experience that yeah yeah you know she she really was like um I she was saying I really have no idea what uh menopause feels like because I I was asking her because I've never I never miss a cycle um and I was just trying to figure out you know uh now I don't miss it but lately it has been fluctuating like usually it's about well it had always been like 27 days but sometimes it'll go like 23 days I'll get it early or a little late and so I I just was asking her and she was like you know I just I just never experienced any any type of symptoms whatsoever because I had a um when she told me about her a situation where she had uh I think it was fibroids she said she had or whatever yeah back then because she's 74 now and back then they didn't have the medication that they have today that brings the fibroids back then they would just be like well just have a hysterectomy just take it out yeah so yeah like she she really was like yeah I I bypassed it because um sorry bad apple Choice thank you for my first super sticker oh my gosh I don't know how to do them okay because you need to get your car situation together too so I ain't gonna say nothing I ain't gonna say nothing how you do it hey read this by Keyshia [ __ ] thank you babe he should cut I also have PCOS which is also hormone imbalance issue that also causes me to be insulin resistant it sucks this is I know it's polycyst something yeah yeah poly I mean specific fibrosis I think it's no no it's with her ovaries okay uh they break it where is why don't they oh Pop okay polycystic ovary syndrome that's what that is okay and that that is tough to deal with I've heard about that what is it oh well um here I'll describe a little bit because she's not up here okay it says women with PCOS may not ovulate have high levels of androgens and have many small cysts on their ovaries PCOS can cause mist or irregular menstrual periods excess hair growth acne infertility and weight gain and a lot of pain they didn't mention the pain but I heard it can be very painful yeah yeah bodybuilders down I've seen a bodybuilder I follow black woman oh my God Bad Apple do y'all know that they are linking those type of products and uh assist on y'all ovary with the hair relaxers yes yeah yes my friend I think is actually joining that lawsuit that they had open you know for black women for I she was trying to see if she could you know join it because yeah it's a whole class action I think against them I haven't heard of that oh pinky yes see my hair is natural I don't have anything on it though but I haven't heard of the lawsuit or anything yeah it's there is a lot of doing my daughter John that my daughter actually had to have surgery you know and cancer I think I don't know if you said that black sauteing it's been linked to a lot of cancer too yeah cancer yeah a lot of that um for those who have PCOS there are some herbs that you can take that will naturally eliminate that um and decrease the pain and everything too yes wow wow wow is it over the counter or something well yeah I mean you can buy them from any herbal store or from Amazon um I know one of them is called well the English letter the English name of it is Toad's herb but I think it's called arable D hold on a second I'm gonna look it up but um some people will take it for PMS oh okay hold on a second let me get let me get in my um email it's a bad apple I don't know I had an issue because I thought I was always all right I am 73 and we were told not to take the medication because it made it was made from horse urine that was a turn off for me of course urine oh my gosh what's better than a turn on but that'd be a time endometriosis yes a lot of times when I hear PCOS I hear endometriosis live laugh love I think they're associated with each other a lot right I was thinking about joining because I used two years ago but have been natural for no Shan you should you still should because that's the thing a lot of us join the natural movement but we was over here using the products you know growing up until we you know tried to let our own hair grow out without the chemicals you still should join I think a lot of women went natural in them I've been natural for about 15 years now I went natural in 0-3 okay I didn't do it till 2010 2011. okay but I mean think about the 80s and 90s is where it really was hot so still yeah hey y'all I looked up endometriosis I don't want to just throw stuff off of it okay endometriosis is often painful disorder very painful I wish the tissue similar to the tissue that lines the inside of the uterus is called endometrium that's the enlightening of the inside of the Union the uterus it grows outside your uterus endometriosis endometriosis most commonly involved that's why they say that your ovaries your fallopian tube and the tissue lining your pelvis and that's what it does it it just it's very very very painful but it's supposed to grow inside and by being abnormal it'll grow outside the uterus so that can make it hard for you to have children if you want to help children is it I'm sure they're not having no babies now can they remove it and if you remove it then can you have kids I've seen them the way that I saw it is the the one I saw she got the whole hysterectomy hysterectomy to get it removed so I don't know if they can do partial or anything because it's not just a cyst like you know the assist it's just like it's a whole and it says with endometrial like tissue so it gets very very thick it breaks down and it bleeds with each cycle sometimes I've heard of people bleed for 30 days in a row with it yeah just non-stop but because this tissue has no way to exit your body it becomes trapped when endometriosis involve the ovaries tumor star forming surrounding tissues can become irritated eventually developing scar tissue and adhesion uh and you know they didn't call them fibroid tisses then then it can it can affect the whole pelvic and all the organs around it they said it's severe uh painful especially during menstrual period fertility problems May develop yeah you can mute yourself back I just didn't know if you didn't know how to or if you didn't I don't know if you want to be mute so I'm Mutual you can mute yourself back if you want to be muted can I say hello to Linda gamble are you talking to me yeah Jasmine Jazzy J thank you I had um my daughter was asking questions and she's shopping for school so I had muted for a second but okay okay uh y'all pray for me because about uh like a year two years when Kobe first started you know they shut everything down I went to that I got an MRI so they said I had uh fibroids insist on my ovaries but it was too small back then and then when I got ready to go recheck a year later uh to do my follow-up uh I think I was scared to go out and do the Kobe I I wasn't you know so then recently I said let me get ready to take care of my business but every time I get ready to take care of my business something crazy happened and I ended up not going to the doctor but I got an appointment and next week some yeah next week so I'm thinking about that lawsuit too I said I got private and I've been private I used to prep my hair the only reason I stopped because I had a car accident and um I couldn't bend over at the sink and I can't find a beautician out here I said I probably could get some of that money oh well you could try don't let it go past you without trying right just trying to do everything have y'all ever have um I don't have Cycles no more but it used to be so painful for me when I I mean I will be an excruciating pain has anybody has Cycles like that that's me like Titanic I had to go on birth control before I became sexually active because I would be in school doubled over throwing up um just couldn't function during my Cycles is yeah yeah I'm like that my youngest daughter like that right now and she she sound like bad apple top but she don't she don't want to have kids she'll want better than that and it's real bad she be throwing up and um one time I gave her she don't like taking medication so she would just stick to the pain and uh with a heat heating pad try to eat salt and vinegar chips and she just like can't go to school she just bad y'all when I say she bad too bad and um only reason I don't want her to do the birth control is because I used to give that's what kind of medicine you have with birth control it had my Administration irregular and then I I was on it for so long so then when I wasn't on the birth control I bled for so long and I didn't want to I didn't want that to be uh me and my daughter classes over there she don't understand because all birth control ain't good because I had bad you know a bad experience with it I don't want my daughter to go through that and she just like mother you're not helping she thought you know I was saying did y'all know I know a lot of people died from birth control go ahead so I'm sorry I was saying I had several friends when I was young dad because that's why I did not take them because they had suggest birth control pills to to numb the pain but they died and some of them had Strokes from birth control pills that happened to me uh black Titanic I was on birth control into uh being on them uh I had to be rushed to the hospital uh four blood clots in my lung wow you know how they put the birth control in you and I still had it and uh when they realized what it was um they took the uh you know got you know removed the birth control but also they uh when that when they came in one doctor came in and said uh do you have birth control because they thought I was having a heart attack at my age too young for them [Music] hmm I want to get my daughter so she could hear this because she was speaking I wasn't kind of helping her oh no go ahead yeah come a girl y'all need to read comma girls two things yes I had four common girls four in my left lung I was like just in case you one second just in case they can't see her text um Karma girl said I still have to go into surgery every five years for Scar Tissue problems now to be fixed and that was from was it the partial hysterectomy Karma Girl and then our other thing is she said I got blood clots also and they think it was contributed to birth control yeah exactly what my doctor said uh I told you you got a super sticker yes thank you so much Soul Star music lover just coming in just dropping y'all thank you uh my daughters my daughters my baby girl she's sitting right next to me that um I was put on birth control right because I had very uh heavy periods and everything and they thought that'll regulate my periods and but and two weeks after they put you know I was put on the birth control uh I had they thought it was having a heart attack but it wasn't a heart attack it was four block uh clocks in my left lung we didn't know that until I I made it to the uh emergency uh room and when they checked one doctor came in and said told my husband she got a blood clot an alarm and soon as before he could walk out another doctor and another doctor I mean the room was filled with doctors and nurses they said no she got four blood clots in her lung I could barely breathe I was and they said uh that they didn't think I was going to make it because everything had dropped I mean I was I I they really didn't think I was gonna make it I could barely breathe I could it was signs of a heart attack um yeah you was blessed and uh they told my husband uh you got uh careflight they didn't even tell him at first until they came back in the room they said careflight is on their way to pick your wife uh to transport your wife to the other hospital that got a get the doctors and everything in place already waiting on her and he said you guys about five minutes to go with your kids thank God we live so close to the hospital he got there when when him and my kids got there you know because we had already put me and I was completely out of it I know they were sticking needles in my uh around my navel uh they was put pumping all this stuff in me trying to break up the blood clots every day I could barely uh think I I mean I was completely out of it and uh he said uh my husband told me as soon as they got there they had already put me on a stretcher taking me out of the room and I and they put me on a glass room uh which there are some nerves like sits there and watch you at a desk all day and they told her they didn't think I was going to make it overnight if they said if I would make it in the uh and still okay in the morning it was like three o'clock in the morning by the time I made it to the other hospital they said if I make it throughout the night um I should have a fighting chance I made it uh and I was put directly in ICU and I stayed in there and I could not move from the bed I couldn't move I couldn't do nothing I mean they literally didn't want me I couldn't move they had everything they they would not change my bed they didn't want to do anything I could not move they said because they're afraid the blood clots can shift and start traveling oh my goodness yeah and uh it was bad it was really bad uh and and I mean when I say it was bad it was bad they didn't think I was gonna make it oh and when I say sometimes they do cause blood clots and everything they do I'm living uh I would I haven't been on birth control since that time and uh you know I'm just lucky that I never been on them since they uh took the um I had you know what they back then they call it the overarina yeah but yeah not everybody's uh body is fit for um uh birth control not everybody uh because some everybody's body is differently and they said I was pre-dispositioned to get those birth control get blood clots on birth control and they said I can ever be on any birth control any kind of ever again oh wow yeah pinky I'm gonna read uh from a couple women that were given their stuff as uh yes please thank you guys for listening yes and thank y'all for being up here I can't have this conversation with just myself because I've only had my one experience so thank y'all for sharing in the chat and coming up here and talking about it um y'all make me tear my secrets yeah look are we all out here a person that feel like we be on the phone forget we public but karma girl said she did have a full hysterectomy when um it left all the scar tissue behind and our leader said there used to be a time it was advised being pregnant would cure the problem of endometriosis can y'all believe that yeah crazy I understand what she's saying Shan said she started having vision problems and they're now contributing it to birth control as well because she didn't have any other issues uh people with vision issues usually have oh that's crazy side effects that people need to consider yes yes yes she said we have to be more proactive and Karma girl said the doctors told her husband that if she would have went to sleep that night she would not have woken up the next morning because her lungs were collapsing that that is true that that's what the doctor said that's why I couldn't breathe they because I kept telling my husband I want to just lay down and go to sleep and if I had they said if I had to went to sleep I would have never woke up yes because your lungs are collapsing because there's you're not getting any because with the blood clots you're not getting anything in in and out it's just wow oh my God I never seen myself with I've seen uh having people with my experiences you know anything happens to Serena Williams when she gave birth girl said her oxygen level was down below seven to seventy percent by the time she went to the hospital yeah yeah mine's first too and I they didn't think I was gonna make it Jazzy thank you so much for this five dollar super sticker thank you Jazzy thank you for uh that my daughter here too um I had to positive music because she came in kind of half the conversation it was spreading so I didn't want her to do the birth control but you know at least you can't like that Apple like she don't care about nothing she just don't want the period right but sometimes you may have to think about all the side effects they can bring to you especially you don't want those side effects right now nothing else 20 and 30 years from now right and at least it's a more informed decision than what you get from the doctor's office if she still decides is a more informed Choice than just going in thinking it's it's like I don't know taking a vitamin D pill or something you know what I mean like at least she she's heard it now but thank you I really appreciate it that's how it be we'd be stubborn on our parents you know how it is yeah Karma girl um if you ever want to try to still come up and speak you definitely can Jazzy doesn't like to come up and speak but she she be trying I see Aussie root beer you did come up here I got your icon why do I have why do I have Karma girl's icon oh never mind it's on the comment I'm silly okay but yeah Karma girl I'll drop the link if you ever want to try don't have to try today but if you ever want to you yeah it's well you know you sometimes people think that they can be understood and you can't understand them so yeah yeah we're very supportive of you yeah thank you because I'm never one scared to the public speaking I'm getting better by practicing but I'm terrified at first now I just overthink it and getting nervous yeah what made me smile with you Jazzy is you went up on Chit Chats and you know you said I don't do this because I get nervous on speaking Chit Chat was I think my first panel I went up on to try to speak because I knew I wanted to start my channel and I was like I gotta get used to talking to people and so yeah Jazzy we following the same path mine's was uh black Titanic she was my first okay I've ever gone on a channel and I think I did it because I have been watching her for so you know I've been watching her for so long and I said to myself I I was sitting there and I think our black Titanic realized I had the dogs right there and I've I was so nervous but I had the dog sitting right beside me and they just cut up a record the minute I joined her uh her parents and she yeah uh but I I feel so it was the first panel I came to talking on and I that was the only panel I used to go on for a long time who was Chit Chat the silver the silver okay yeah yeah the silver yes that was my only one for a long time and then I finally went on a chitchat the silver was my second Bad Apple yeah I don't know it was really the only two that I go on that I really go on okay okay yeah yeah Bad Apple thank you for coming up here then because that you know I'm in a small group now oh my God my life is a bad apple I just said the the up and coming you know the up and coming channels yeah you know however I can you are appreciated when I just saw you liking or hitting putting the little color I'm like okay okay I'm in the right company um talking out loud said I had really bad varicose veins with my pregnancies it was so bad I would black out and could not breathe I woke up in the ambulance twice I was told that I had blood clots moving up to my lungs oh my God and hi I don't even know if I said Hollywood yet but hi and that is crazy yeah I love her Channel too I'm just talking out loud yeah okay this is just talking about just talking out loud [Laughter] but um yeah I'm about to go and fry some fish for these children okay sounds good thank you for coming up Bad Apple well thank you for having me thank you for being up and talking about this because that's what made me come up because when uh on um Chit Chat Channel when it was mentioned I was like oh somebody say somebody say when you supposed to start because I really ready to start I had to come up and ask about that but I'm gonna catch you next one I'll see you later okay thank you thank you Fridays and Saturdays y'all I'll be here for sure those are sure times I'm in here too and thank you Jazzy for for bringing up the topic because all credit goes to you um we're gonna say it I'm like wait a minute now you said Melody well you said we were supposed to talk about something else but you know that's kind of what I wanted to do similar same or something similar with my page I got help this weapon um from Wendy Williams okay but um kind of something like that or you know where we can form you know help this wealth help different things going on the community depression because I suffer from depression really really really really bad something like that maybe a little bit of the show but more so uh with my heart and soul been desire in all my life I love you so much Miss Black Titanic she's taking care of something I think yeah I'm just nosy I'll read because again this is because of you Jazzy summer read um our lettuce our leaders and it says remember some medication and lab results don't consider the melanin person at all they are not calibrated for melanated persons so we do have to do research um we have to research what we do and accept absolutely yes we should Keisha says I went back on birth control two years ago and had to come off because they were worried about my blood pressure and possibly developing blood clots these blood clots everybody's talking about the blood clots yes they're serious guys um I don't know what I don't know what that's about comma girl and I will say this too I I am I I try to be rainbow friendly so if it's about what I think it might be about I might not be the channel to cover that one because um there are small sectors of groups within a big group that get very radical and those are the ones I might see that maybe like that but I don't wanna I don't I don't want to put everybody in the same box on that one I didn't see it though I did not see it though what what see what uh well I don't want to kind of read it again don't read it I just missed again don't worry yeah we just kind of talking luck everything is here because it's Saturday we don't need nothing complicated today yeah sometimes we just have to ignore those that you think would be cause a lot of drama so and then some kind of maybe they they be there on purpose to do that I don't know yes now karma girl's not causing drama I just want to clear that up girl no I'm not talking about I'm not I'm just talking about in general yeah yeah yeah yeah and Karma girl you are just fine you've been over here I already know you you don't I know you don't mean nothing about it all and we all discovered each other's topics that we're willing to kind of go and and everything so don't you apologize you didn't do nothing wrong oh I see what you're saying common girl that that video I watched that too yeah oh okay y'all the lips I finally got the lip shaped down by the way I hear those lip shapes so now are you doing that or or that that's a computer I am on a computer I am doing this I am manually doing this wow it's harder and harder now to know because air is here can't fight it but no this is this is just me drawing on my own little thank you Choice design y'all know y'all know that I found out it was difficult for me I was embarrassed when uh I found out I needed Mental Health and that's something I didn't want nobody to know well you know I think a lot of a lot of black people are like that because growing up you you it's just something that we we didn't do I don't think we did but we're doing it in private but now you know it's nowadays people is talking in the case of Internet yeah y'all y'all know the abuse that I had I had on the on the win as a child sexual abuse so growing up oh you know I just needed help finally I went and I started going and it really helped a lot because childhood trauma uh can carry on until your adulthood if you don't take care of it yeah that is true I'm so sorry that you had to go through that yeah yeah yeah so so women don't be ashamed you think you need mental health don't be ashamed get your take care of your mental health you need to see your psychiatrist you take care of that yeah where I grew up when I was growing up I could remember my parents and uh other uh uh older uh adults they look down up on it they uh they always said oh she's in the uh crazy plays uh crazy house and then they look down upon you and tease you and and then and make life of what you're going through instead of supporting you and looking at it like that's that's no more than someone having uh the c word or or or or an addiction or something that's just it's still an illness that needs to be uh recognized but now I think today people recognize it a lot more than they did back then because even uh my parents kept things a secret when uh different things like their health it was like it was a taboo to tell somebody that something is wrong with you yeah but I'm glad people are opening up about this now because it's just don't just affect other people but it affects all of us everybody Joyce did you pop up here let me drop the link again hold on choice I don't know if you have popped up here or not let me put the link in here again because I feel like if you did I missed you and I don't know what I was doing live love love said we all got a little cray cray well I already confessed earlier I love yours though pinky I'm gonna go do that I'm gonna run up on Mr Trend and just jump on I do be doing that I'm gonna do it again if my husband almost be about to drop me no sense I'm a really surprised sound like y'all have a lot of things brought up civilized that's right brought up in the dirt roads in the cotton fields and when you walk around with no shoes oh man and he was brought up civilized so he looks at me like I'm a little crazy he's from up North and I'm from down south so you know he like I think he liked that little craziness yeah yeah are we sketching or are we discussing she got her cute stuff she got her cute little fans did everybody get their uh their favorite drink let me show you what oh I was gonna say let me show you what I'm drinking because I I gotta find out I don't know if it was Sunkist that named it she said sipping Saturday and she also called it sipping Saturdays oh here it is you know what this is this uh uh uh trending and everybody uh fan sent me this did you see it says Pinky the housewife on it yes and it got an alien on it because you know I wear alien socks and I just pulled off a alien t-shirt okay I I just pulled it off and I so remember we was talking about the PO Boxes trendy yep yep yeah someone brought it up what was that that was succeeding succeeding yeah and so uh I'm gonna give you one this week I'm gonna go this week but don't get it so soon pinky because I I ain't gonna have a PO box for a long time so don't don't care we got to go together no I I talked it over and there's a certain threshold I need to hit before I start putting money back out there so oh okay okay okay I'll wait because my uh they've been sending things like that you know like I said I got t-shirts bunny caps and all this different stuff that they sent me uh yeah I know I can't wait I can't wait but I got it yeah I do get packages yeah I want to start my Shopify backup so I know where I gotta funnel my new phone first okay uh Trinity is monetized it's okay [Music] chances I was told I not only suffered from PTSD due to time service but also as a child which is common in the urban communities I have heard that Shan um I I have I unfortunately I have nightmares about being caught overseas a lot of times that's that that's one way my dreams are real factor in my personal PTSD and um y'all I'm gonna tell you how deep it goes and Shane you can tell more details on yours if you want to but when I'm caught in those nightmares I'd rather delete myself than to stay caught in those nightmares so it's very traumatic when I wake up and like oh that was just a dream and Keisha said PTSD is so hard my daughter was diagnosed with it back in 2015 and I was diagnosed diagnosed with it in 2019 but mine developed from a bad marriage for 22 years wow uh I think that's me uh and I'm still married to him and we've been 10 years but Mary I was with him Mary 15 years total so 13 years um I went through some stuff and I I didn't even know what PTSD was so I heard mail speak on it and then I told my sister about it and then my sister said a lot of people suffered and I googled and I started doing my research on it because I'd be crying you know when I see stuff I get through I think I suffered from this too yes hopefully you find some black women doctors Jazzy yeah I hope you do yeah yeah and Arleta she said yeah everyone should be able to talk to somebody in confidence the first time I went to mental health I thought black folks don't have those kinds of issues until I saw someone on the L train that needed okay okay thank you thank you Miss talkative thank you shaybee I'm on my mimosas sipping Saturdays yes Choice have you ever been afraid to go to sleep are you asking if you're asking me our leader yes I I am very afraid to go to sleep a lot of times as well or anybody else Jazzy but yes you might have walked away uh I'm prior military and I have some nightmares about being caught overseas in certain areas because there's they put a price on the head like okay so the higher ranking you are the higher price on your head your gender and higher ranking the higher price on your head so like and then of course you know being a woman what would happen on top of everything else if you're captured so I have a lot of nightmares and I choose to in my dreams delete myself rather than try to stay and find out how much I'm gonna be possibly tortured and stuff like that because I'm thinking it's real at the time so yes yes yes yes yes you have do they be recurrent they are recurring they are they happen in different areas and it's different countries do you write them down I used to write my dreams down but I remember them so well I I don't I I always find something else to take up my time and end up not writing it down but I do remember my dreams really well do you have to take something some every once in a while yeah we really need that good night's sleep because you haven't slept well for a while yes I do yes I do and I try to do it only for work nights so that way I can not be too dependent on it whatever but yeah because you definitely have to have a good night's sleep if you got to get up in the morning right and go to work right right right you know you don't have you asked uh the Ohio power to show you the meaning what does it means all yours means something entirely different I mean it may look negative but it might not be negative well I I honestly I I I used to I I've gotten off of it but I used to meditate and pray by my dreams I gotta get back to doing that and I saw Melody's video about her teeth falling out and I have had that journal like why people act like she's crazy for having the dream of her teeth fall now I have that dream all the time yes so yeah I need to get back to it black Titanic because I really did used to be more in tune with you know trying to find out what's going on with the dream yeah those are Visions they're not you see a dream is something you just dream about and it's gone vision is reoccurring those are Vision it has some kind of meaning to it can't nobody figure it out with you because it's meant for you so yeah and sometimes the meaning won't come to years 10 years 11 years 12 years later that meaning of come to you about what that vision is about but I I don't think it's nothing bad it may look bad yeah or one or maybe one day you can email me and um uh uh uh tell me about it but okay excuse me my book called angels in time of trouble that book that's what that's about visions and dreams and showed me about that those type of visions hey and I agree with her and that's that's um why I came up because it was too much to type I got company but I wanted to explain kind of what what I was saying and I was told like I I never I never went and seek mental health until I was in a position at my job and I totally lost it and went like I went real like bananas on a co-worker who left us in a dangerous situation because as y'all know I was in law enforcement and one of my my partner just left me wow I'm sorry I was just talking I wanted to know who is this okay I'm listening I'm sorry all right so um when when it happened after the situation was over and helped came and everything else I lost it in in the um the sergeant the sergeant was trying to pull me back together because she left and we was almost in a riot situation and I was just furious because had prisoners not helped me I could have been in a real bad situation but she she um and I went on my shoulder was pop and that's when I was told about the PTSD like my shoulder was popped out everything and that's when they explained to me like um I had a really good older Caucasian lady which was weird because she at all I've seen several therapists since her and she she her and another young lady which was Caucasian they were my best therapists um through the at least 10 or 11 that I've seen over the years but she told me when she just went she asked me about growing up she asked me about the service she asked me about everything and my PTSD is around losing your life and it's because at a young age I lost two very close people to me but I didn't know how to deal with that so I internalized I internalized so I'm not a very open as far as I'm a Problem Solver so if something happened I get right quick to let's fix it let's fix it let's move forward let's you know we're not gonna sit in it and we're not gonna and we're not gonna like my grief is very different it would be very weird if anybody saw me grieve um and like she explained to me she said now it's gonna sound weird but I got a lot of things to tell you she says well I my personal opinion on this after we talked I saw her for about a month before a week she let me talk like really like about a month and she said that by my childhood years uh there was a lot of PTSD from how I grew up in my community a lot of um abuse with substances um different family members for that nothing really physical it was more mental and the whole situation nothing was really physical it was more of mental and I'm internalizing the way I did I have dreams as well and then but in my dreams I've got to the point to where I wake I need to wake up and sometimes I can't wake up because I'm about to be deleted and I never really looked into it until I got into consistent therapy because I just went to her at that point because I had got so angry before they allowed me to come back to work because I went that bad off they was like no you need to we need to know you clear mentally to come back up in here because that was like a big deal but I've since been going to VA and this is what a lot of people need to find the local VA and go to them and if you don't like who they give you you can you can therapist shop in VA and you constantly will go through until you get that person who who actually can help you and give you those tools because like you were saying earlier today I meditate a lot now I like clear my I've learned to relax and that's something that I never knew that I wasn't doing when we think we're relaxing and we're getting our minds clear I don't ever think I had a clear mind until I was about 40. and it's really weird because not until they taught me how to actually for real like I've been in church all my life I've always known how to pray thought I did and meditate and different stuff but once I got into therapy and she actually guided me through meditation and how to actually clear my mind how to relax like I have I do it at least once a week now but I was doing it three times a week at one point and it was very blessed queen bee read that by bless the queen BTC I'm trying to okay um bless Queen B said I have been re-traumatized on Thursday and this and I'm still working through it and bless I didn't know if you wanted to come up but whatever it is you know you're in our prayers and I'm I'm sorry to hear that I because that's very recent that's this week I don't know what what's going on but I I really hope that you have a support system through the community of us on here and of course in your everyday life I hate to hear that though I really do I'm so sorry you know I was just going to tell y'all this book right here I'm not trying to sell it this book right here I don't know if y'all can see it but it's called angels in time of trouble I this was birthed out of pain and I kept having these dreams over and over and over I will walk the floor press day and night about all these dreams these Vision that I was having and I wrote it down and then I asked the spirit can y'all hear me yes I put you up in case you want to put your book up one more time whoa oh okay okay here it is it's called angels in time of trouble and this is strictly about what you guys are talking about dreams and visions and these the kind of dreams like what you be having that you think is so traumatizing and and the PTSD and all of that I wrote it I wrote it down in the book I mean I just went into the woods by myself the church didn't help me I don't want to hear that stuff no more if I pray pray pray pray and it kept happening to me so I went in the woods to isolate myself and just let my inner Spirit spoke to me about what these visions and what they mean and that's how the book emerge so one lady one other lady I want to address Karma who's an income girl yeah she said that she had dreams and they come true that means you are a Seer you have to embrace that you are a Seer you know you psychic so that's all that is to you I know you probably see a lot of things that come true but we have to learn how to embrace our gifts that's all I have to say there thank you black Titanic yeah we have to learn how to embrace our gifts we all have them you know and that's when we talk about the pineal gland that third eye the paneer gland is responsible for visions and dreams yeah okay okay I have heard that scared to embrace it you can see a lot of stuff some stuff I don't want to see there's been stuff that I be begging don't let me see that again and then it comes true you know uh it's just a gift that you have you had that yeah my sister scared of hers her gift too now y'all know I be looking at these internet Sears they be reading the palms of the hand like one came on there they call theirselves prophetess and all of that it don't work like that with real serious it don't work like that you see through visions and you don't never know when those Vision gonna come but they gonna come and you don't never know when it's gonna crystallize and happen it can I can have a vision at night and it might be 10 years from now that that Vision crystallized or it might be the next day that's just how it works yeah and on I thought I didn't know I was muted I I forgot I had muted myself but Queen be uh blessed Queen B I was just thinking about what she was saying how she was traumatized since Thursday and I wonder did that have anything maybe to do with the uh colleague uh Russell incident or anything that's a good question yeah because that's what that happened on wasn't that around ain't that something how stuff can read traumatize me sometimes it could just be a word or something to say or listen it's the music or watching TV and I think a lot of people was traumatized during that uh incident with her a lot of old things that happened to them or something who you talking about did you finish it no but you can read it then I'll finish okay okay Arleta says our families were going through PTSD I remember we are less than 80 years out of bondage and Jim Crow that some of us experience and our mothers have come through yeah yeah yeah and that's part of um I could just finish what I was saying by um once I learned to relax I learned to re take myself out of situations and with what Miss Black Titanic was just saying was just so true like the dreams were telling me my job was too stressful like I had nightmares pertaining to that and what another therapist had told me too was me coming out of the service and the trauma and going into law enforcement was only keeping myself in the turmoil and I was like I didn't really realize that until I'm already 20 something odd decade two days two almost three decades in that this job is the reason and since I haven't been working for about the last five years I've actually am not as I've not had as many nightmares as I used to have and I was just I was expressing that to one of my former co-workers as well like you probably me because she was telling me about her situation I was like you probably need to switch positions because that job we was in it definitely had me in turmoil because I was having a nightmares but it wasn't definitely it was it had and the funny part about the dreams were they wouldn't be work related but as I thought about it and got it kind of separated and pieced it together like it's like Titanic said it was like that can't be nothing but that job because nothing in my life is that so it's like different situations you'll dream yourself really to figuring out how to get out of it and it was really between talking to therapist and actually telling them what's really going on in my head and like somebody was saying I was nervous about being placed on a psych hold as well because you know how they do at VA and I was I expressed that with my therapist and my therapist explained to me how the holes work so I was like oh okay but um because sometimes they see us differently than they see our counterparts and they're like oh when we say it as the darker skin people when we said it's violent but when they said they just have a mental issues and need hope so and this was a young Caucasian lady and I was like wow I'm like she kind of that dude makes sense because I've also had work counterparts where I'm like they should probably be placed on hold but instead you know they're placing us at alarm array on these hoes but I just I implore everybody therapy is not actually a bad idea it's actually a good thing because you actually get that time and for most women who are mothers um um wives and different stuff of that like that that gives you a space for just thinking about you where you're not worried about having to cook for the kids put them in the school my husband is I gotta get him that that it's just giving you that time of the day with that meditation to think about yourself and clear your mind and I just had to come up and say that because I think as women we our thought process and the rate we think at and the issues we think about men don't necessarily think about that because when I talk to my husband about a lot of stuff he'd be like well I ain't thinking about it that way and I'm like yeah I don't think you would because and you know with kids like 30 and you still and he like they grown and I might get it grown but the minute something happened who do they call Mommy while you're still a Christian because you you do you know you be dropping gems too let me read Sylvia and bless queen bee and our our leader um so Sylvia says has anyone awakened from a dream went back to sleep and the dream continues that happened to me sometimes in one night until I made myself get up yes I be trying to literally reach over to my to Mr trending sometimes and I can't but I'm I'm wide awake like you know like yes I am yes yes and do you that happens to me you're wide awake but you're in a dream like statement yes you see everything and hear everything but you can't move over you can't do anything right and you know what I recently did to come out of that and I just I figured this out like re like real recent like within the last because I have a um the therapist I was telling y'all about um over the last few months I was telling her about it because that's the one thing that I really could never do is I could be being chased wake up go back to sleep go to the bathroom go back to sleep I'm still being chased yeah so I tell her I'm like what is that and she was like try this and see if it works I clear my mind and I meditate at that moment and a lot of times when I'm in meditation I fall asleep that's just how clear yeah I get so she told me to do that and next time I talked to her I was like it worked so I had but the bad part about it is I had to wake up all the way out of my sleep to like relax yeah breathe meditate clear my mind think of something different and it actually worked but it's a lot of work I'm like as we get older I feel like it's a lot of work it is like it's a lot of stuff going on now I'm like geez I didn't have these words back in my 18 20s and 30s it's just like whoa right but yeah oh to just figure out some type of meditation relaxation that you really clear your mind through can I say but go ahead hold on TV one second pinky one okay all right go ahead black Titanic I want to pick it back on that to all you ladies I found out that it's so helpful and so so uh it's just something simple what I do stressed is she talking about eliminate some of that stress I will write down everything on the paper that was stressing me out some stress is legitimate stress like maybe your child is sick that's legitimate or are you worried about your health you put the legitimate stress on one side legitimate stress that you can get rid of like like you got a friend you need to get rid of that no good man on that side you know a lot of stuff that's bad in your life or you got a friend that's always calling you with a double her trash on you every morning eight o'clock times gossiping that woman got to go too cause all that negativity in your brains add to your stress so one side is legitimate stressed that's the side that you know you got to deal with the other side is illegitimate stress that's the size you know that you can get rid of with no problem and that that helps y'all Miss Black Titanic I got rid of a friend like that yeah and I got rid of her like she was like you don't call me no more we don't because everything came out of her mouth was so negative and I'm like I have enough stress on my plate I can't take your stress too enough I got rid of her and I I just it's so different yes yeah yeah yeah that's that yeah you can eliminate something that's she said no and then uh on that uh from Thursday uh and then uh she said it is something that happened in my childhood and something happened on work that took me back to the place I was in as a child but for uh God grace and mercy I'm holding on and when we pray uh for you of blessed queen bee that you're holding on and we're all here to support you and I'm glad you uh clarified that because I was just uh wondering since everything has been going on uh with that young lady but thank you and we're all here for you yes thank you and bless queen bee you already been through the fire you've been through that for my girl you've been through it yeah you've been through that fire and now just work on yourself man only it might not never go away because what happened to me as a childhood sometimes this [ __ ] will creep up in me and still stab me in my heart like you know I don't I'm here able to talk about my abuse now as when I was a little girl but I used to couldn't talk about it but now I can talk about it yeah just learn you gotta learn ways to cope babe learn ways to cope I don't know how to tell you to cope you have to learn ways to cope with it and bless you bless you yeah thank you Miss Black Titanic I also wanted to come up here to tell you something as well like I've been watching your channel for a while now and I learned so much and I'm I'm really thankful for you and all the teachings you do for us because it's some stuff you put up there that I would have never heard of or thought of and I appreciate you and how you run your channel and I thank you for everything that you bring to us really because you're so you're like the centerpiece for a lot of us and I really appreciate it I really appreciate it thank you you actually black Titanic you actually connected me to a lot of people that have come over here and succeeded yeah Shan probably I don't know if Shane came over there from there too but um I I just want to thank you for real because when I first started Chit Chat called me out and then I was on your channel I was on your live just in your chat and Mr Trinity was like did she call your dad like yeah like Titanic called my name out about something with stormy and you were like I got it I don't remember her name but she had this and y'all just make sure you go see everything yeah oh my gosh Debbie how are you doing yeah because babies in here yes yes yes I want to say something with Arleta Jordan said something about that just 80 years out of Jim Crow days do y'all know that that one storm in there was uh telling me to get back I didn't belong in that business I had a flashback from from when we were when we used to get uh chased from the Klu Klux plants when I was looking at that like wow you know right oh I didn't did and then Escape hangings and all that for now for these young black people to tell me I don't belong and then get back all on the internet was a lot of young people was telling me I didn't belong in there on that street at that business I didn't belong I'm too old yeah I have flashback from them Jim Crow days so just remembering that time when they used to do us like that but only it's coming from my own people that's time you're right that's so good that's sad that um they sit behind the uh their computers and on their phones and and say stuff uh and do things and Bully that's sad I I that's one thing I cannot stand I really do and to say yeah we uh people have heard that for so many years that was the way of people telling us you don't belong in this store um what's right on the bus or something no yeah yeah yeah and now you got your own people too you're telling me the same thing you need a way for them to be where they are today right your hard work and sacrifice and dedication got them what they are and they really don't know that they think they got you on their own that nobody no no right right tell it Pinky yeah that is true they don't know and they don't understand and that's why they need to learn the uh history our history because they're trying to take it away and if they want to do something and put their mouth whether all that power and all that that energy somewhere put it somewhere where they're trying to take it away from you right now you don't even realize that they don't even realize it when they have kids their kids may not even know who like you said today you I think you was talking about the telephone in the in the toilet who invented that they don't they wouldn't even know that they probably wouldn't even know who Rosa Parks was they need to uh understand those things and you don't do that that when kids speak like that that's because they they don't have that that uh that oh the figure their mother or that father or that grandmother or their grandfather to tell them any better um you know what happened there and I I feel sad for them I really do I just hates hearing and seeing things like that yeah yeah yeah I can't forget that part like and I yeah I I he's a box of rocks on top of it too Miss talkative of course what a box of rocks according to you yeah um oh thank you because I'm really getting kind of these are giving me a worse time I think because I'm trying to get inspired from Melodies this time I feel more pressure Karma girl so thank you thank you look like hers though it looked just yeah identical to the ones at the top actually yeah thank you I am trying y'all I've been over here I was like man I should have just not even said nothing Debbie in here they thinking who's Auntie dad Debbie Bunton she's um she be well I've seen her around the same people we kind of know about she she's uh and she be going off in a good way on Martel and all them that deserve it yeah she was in here she was in here yes that's so true that is so true uh bless queen bee yeah that black Titanic was covering that live laugh love on her live about the black history being taken out of schools in Florida yeah and if they can do that in Florida and take it out of the schools it of that uh would put the other people in place to start doing the same thing exactly because they said that precedence right and they may have a mother a grandfather or a uncle or a cousin of somebody down the line that invented something that we use today and they will not uh be recognized for that in history they already know they all really don't do that they don't teach them black history in school and personally it's it's us we have to teach it we like the other us ethnic group they don't worry about no school teacher nature they teach their own history right that's fair that's fair yeah they don't worry about that we shouldn't and it's up to us to keep our history going our children on the teaching that and I'm gonna tell yourself anybody that hates you ain't gonna teach you right that's why they don't teach our children the real stuff anyway in school because you know history shows how they feel about us yeah that is true yeah just like everybody think Elvis Presley was the rock and roll man right killing all the big mama Thornton stuff like yeah and not only that his singing voice did you hear when that came out and the guy was like yeah I went into a demo and then Elvis Presley started singing like him so his singing voice was a black man singing voice he had never met made original song everything he had made in copy from somebody and of course the the song uh and yes especially her the Hound Dog song right right that was her song you got a super sticker oh wait Dang hold on what let me hold on a girl [ __ ] tend to make light of water oh yeah yeah okay I'm coming back to y'all thank you so much for the super sticker I appreciate you thank you thank you so much y'all this is y'all even know you don't know the first time so to see this I had to wait my 30 days and I'm just so happy thank you so much box of rocks yes yeah I know he running for president Lord help us who run a good president is that DeSantis the Florida governor oh yeah yeah I just turned the TV and the funny thing about him is Mr Man is a man of color like are you serious um well is he a man of color is he a white Latino because that's two different things too well let me just say his family history is not all white okay yeah I'm not sure how it is but it's not like it's three four generations removed it's right here right there yeah something that he's not the only thing no he that's how he feels that's who he is I mean you know and I will say white presenting it's what what somebody I think Don Cheadle or someone said you are what you have to defend that's how he said it I mean so if he's pretty much white presenting I don't care what's going on in there he's living the life of that right I mean we're the only one that's trying to embrace people color they don't Embrace us y'all right races against us to be you see that so uh Mr what y'all call it the caucus what's his name he's Santa yeah he always been like that and uh biting too biting is a racist but y'all y'all don't care I don't see anything no dang live laugh love oh cause she in Florida so um that's what I say about bathing and Harris [Music] um well we did yeah oh we're not gonna talk uh she don't do a lot of politics yeah I'm about to steer it just because it is going straight yeah okay okay I like it and that's what I do because I live in a predominantly white area because I was like when we lived in the urban areas and plus what I did I didn't want to run into the people that I was working with in the community with my kids so we moved out of the urban area so we moved out here I constantly it was sad but I was constantly teaching my kids about things like um you had to have we literally had to have a talk with our kids in elementary school I think my son may have been in preschool when we first had a talk with him because of how certain things was going on and we had to go up there and I've always been up front at the school like so they know me and it's like okay y'all know how I am y'all know what I do and I'm not coming with with the stuff so I had to teach my kids and they and I also made sure that I put them in stuff like sports and music and different stuff like that and it's always been taught like you do your best don't worry about them because yeah you always see them getting away with something or doing something that you're not allowed to do right you're not worried about that you do what you're supposed to do and then let me handle it if you see something you tell me and I'll handle it good because and then we understood like I taught them like on black and black history stuff everywhere we went we went to the museums like traveling with sports teams and stuff like that and my kids of course are on the lighter teams because that's where we live at and I will take those kids too we going to museums we want African-American museums and they had a good time and actually one of the parents anytime she loves to ask me questions and I I sometimes it was getting on my nerves but I still asked her because I knew she didn't know no better because she was raised out here and that's not out here so and you know out here the schools like history month is not really black history it's more like black history week no it's not even sorry saying one second bless Queen Bee thank you for the super sticker I'm doing a little Kim power shimmy over here y'all thank you thank you thank you yeah okay sorry but I love I just love that part about this black Titanic Channel I like I like the music I was watching the music she put on the other day I I really like it yeah the original music is I just I just really like to hear that stuff because a lot of stuff like when we going through and we finding out stuff we just really don't know I was a big music fan so that's how I found out all the stuff about how they did us back in the day and how the cover how to cover we call it a cover today but they were stealing it back then you know and it's just it was real like and I I play that for my kids too and I saw it so I'm like look this is what happens when you don't take credit for your own stuff that's why with you trendy I'm like yeah you do good keep telling that show you show your chest because this is your thing you do your work I'm like your lips are bomb yo thank you you better you better get out there right right hey Jazzy thank you for coming oh yeah I'll drop it again for you Jazzy because you are a very talented young lady and don't let nobody tell you different because thank you the stuff you didn't put up here since we've been on here is awesome like yeah and you you doing it like right in front of us quickly like boom boom boom some days so it's like okay thank you thank you oh and okay I'm looking out for Jazzy to come back up Titanic and Pinky thank you I just made sure I called her five minutes before I appreciated because she did she finished she said I'm getting there I'm getting I'm like oh look at you yeah and just thinking of the harlemen your uh your channel I made sure I sent it to her too yes don't forget I have to say when you know on on this on this circle of the channels I'll be visiting y'all be showing real real love and I'm like you can't do nothing but pay it back and you know even if I was I don't always get the comment I'll be trying to give y'all y'all watch hours and stuff oh here you go yeah yep yep we have to well I'm gonna let y'all know I have company so I told you I wasn't coming up for long but thank you [Music] thank you and I've been have y'all noticed my eyes are getting uh sleepy and closer and closer you know because I took uh some uh pain medicine right before uh about an hour before I got on but I'm fighting it I'm not going to sleep no because if I go to sleep fall and let let my body just go to sleep along with that medication then I won't sleep good at night when you wake up right I'll I'll be awake I'm not about to have that I want to ask you everything I want to ask y'all a question this has to do with mental health it's about tissue stock I was about her mental health do y'all have y'all ever seen anybody that copies somebody like that this is serious y'all I'm serious man yeah I I know everything from everybody I mean it's just not know every once in a while I may like your hairstyle I might like that outfits from uh trying to uh say that she created the uh Black Expo thing but that was something uh that Melanie created and she's taking one take credit for this it's everything I've never seen nothing like that if y'all met in a battle like that before not a perfect example in a mom uh and and so she she came across this beautiful tall very strong black woman and she's and I think even uh Wanda is jealous of uh envious of Melanie too it seemed like all the money yeah they don't know and you got to remember their daughters are not falling falls from the tree even like with stormy she didn't fall far from the tree from uh what I call uh allegedly I call her uh uh crazy baby because she looks good but and and and Tisha didn't fall far because when she first started she was a spitting just like her mother you can tell who was talking and teacher really and I really had a bad way of speaking not like Stormy with bad words but you couldn't better it was hard always for me to understand I it took me a while to understand what Wonder was saying uh I would have to roll back just to try to figure out what did she say what did she say and I still have a hard time too today but Tisha would talk just like her and she would act just like her mother and everything and then being around Mars so that always put her down you you can't do you you just need to take care of the kids cook and she don't clean but he said she's she's almost uh like a bad she she doesn't know how to clean I think because that's been raised around a mom and a mom is so into living her life through her daughter and her daughter don't know how to live her life outside of her own life to try to grow in her mind so and she see Melanie into her she wants to be like her it's like well you know how some some kids see on TV uh uh artists or a movie star or or actress or something and they they they're they they're uh almost is like they got a crush on him I think it's like teach you gotta uh uh a fantasy she's single black female single white female yes it's really bad now I see that she got a okay y'all know stormy on her uh we were laughing at that flyer to meet and greet yes I mean she got a flyer now saying meet and greet but it's it's with her little girls and it's happening today [Music] it don't have to be male it's anybody she would just she said it's okay to emulate who you admire yeah but at a certain way it's like a mental health issue I understand what you're saying Emily somebody you're a member just like oh yeah she's not doing it in a healthy way at all it's almost like you want to be that person take over that person's life gonna want her life to be that person yeah I got to wear my hair like you know that's kind of hair yeah what you say I have two please about that I think her mental health issues come from her childhood having a mother like um panda yeah but also I think the copy are trying to watch because Kiki said it too that she been talking about trying to stop her help her with that for years been a copycatter but also with the copy and mail and the women and trying to look like the women that he date is because oh that is true she do I forgot about myself or you know a boss that's the type of woman he like or you know the one and uh so I think she try to emulate The Other Women thinking if that'll make her husband like her want to be with her yeah everyone has to go to get a BBL allegedly can I say and oh yes come on bless come on in here with regards to Leticia and I'll call her the teacher today because two names for her I call it tissue and laifa but I'll call her her Leticia today and um she has when I look at her she has a lot of childhood trauma because let's be honest yes at the end of the day she's a woman she's a very beautiful black woman yes she is absolutely self-esteem is in the Outhouse she has none and that is because of her mother and I believe that uh uh that uh Lord father Jesus I want to call Wonder a name that is not of God right now but anyway that incubator that gave birth to her did not help she also traumatized that child because Kiki mother Kiki was almost around the same age with her Kiki model was uh of a different standard of life and living so she always put them against each other so she wanted to have an issue with anybody being successful and she thinks that you know someone saying they are in competition with her daughter and she never teach um Leticia which Leticia okay you went to college and all this kind of thing and you just come out of school so you need to go to concert because there are times that I wanna pull her down but then then there are times I know okay the way how my family background and how they grow in confusion they will promiscuous their their their alcoholics and their rapists there you name it within my family that now my family them this oh you figure you all that and about the truth because I choose not to go down that road yeah right so that's when I try to blame Leticia I think of my experience and she may not have the will and the strength to come out of it but at the same time she's a grown woman and she develops certain things and she masterful in her envy and jealousy of Melody of anybody who you know is successful she she think that her cousin right now is gonna do better than her the fans and them are more favorable right so she tend to lash out and she's lashing out from a place of pain and she don't know how to deal with it yeah and then on top of it she have um uh a waistband who just like her have a month please it seems like he just have a heavier flow than her and he has more problems because he just need to live in a Midol Factory because every time he crumbs he disrespect woman and I feel that his girl is a little too tight for him and he needs to Upper size because that size 32. [Laughter] you need to go up her size because he he when when he put it on and he squeezed together what comes out of his mouth is what is in an outpost it's not even serving nowadays toilet because I grew up with Old Poles because you couldn't get rid of rid of that at all that was real [ __ ] best every time she tried to push her head up he keep pushing her down um and the co-west band admires Mel and who knows what he does be saying oh you know male do they smell because the few conversation that he would have is only the season you show that he really coming from now but he admires Mel yeah at the same time he admired her but he don't want her as a wife because they cannot control her she's the type of woman that he loved she's the type of woman that challenges him but at the same time he wants a door mat like this right he want a doormat like her but he he loved that you love me like yeah because men arouse him and she says the one where you know you go outside and you get your first money and you come and you write the model on it so Mel is the man that he walk in and she is the mat that he just come and washed the model so right yeah you know if she have to really get up and check herself and see that she wants something different then she wants her life for herself so I so as I said there are some days that I want to blame huh and then some days I understand what it is you know she's going through because it come like what I um was talking about with um my um childhood trauma I'm gonna you know cut it short well there are different stages and different things but um and um my family I was you know molested as a child and they said that you know I had was to take one for the team because the person who did it he had now get a government job oh my God bringing that out in the open you understand what I'm saying it would bring him down as a young black man because I was nine he was 19. you understand what I'm saying so I had was to take that for the team and the more that I lash out against what was happening is the more they physically emotionally and mentally abuse me and then you know fast forward to 49 years later um I'm on this job here I take care of an elderly woman and um for the last since I've been here her grandson and his wife you know they would you know come and make me feel less than [Music] and then on Thursday something happened with the groundwater and that same um grandson is two children born with her daughter um daughter and her son son and um she was like um Bernadette we know that um they won't treat you right but you know what we said that um it's okay if you take one for the team just for the family so that is why it would bring me back and it was like you know I was so I raided I mean at that time as a child I didn't had my voice and and you know thank God that I have my voice now that um I told her some words that were not Catholic Baptist or Pentecostal Needham this way with words are crazy oh my God and I love it yeah so you know and then I had to um walk out and that is the I'm saying huh is what hurt me more because it pushed me in a place that you know I had to the hood and pain that I was feeling I had to let her feel it and and my way of letting her feel it was to with words and to make her feel less than and I watched the blood draw from her face it goes from red to Pink to Red to Pink and I just went in I literally raised chicken and the Holy Spirit says stopped within you know about two managers stop and I started to shake and I just you know walk all day the apartment and stuff like that and since then you know I mean you know I I I've come down but a lot of people don't understand you know childhood trauma or trauma on the whole and and a lot of us don't understand what's our trigger and you know and what we could do because of that uh what I went through I through part of my life in school I was a bully until uh because I wanted people to feel the pain that I was feeling because I always laugh and people is like you always laughing and they don't know even now that I laughed sometimes because it's easier than to show the pain right you understand what I'm saying so and then one girl in school she's like Bernadette I am going through so much at home and I come to school the one place that I say I'll be be safe and you are hurting me wow and that was my wake-up call at the age of 19 no 18 it was going on 19. um because it was here I just found out that um I was pregnant because I was in um High School back home and and that was a reality check for me and since 10 Things I understand when some people are hurting people I tend to want to find out are you hurting them from a place of vindictiveness or are you hurting them from a place of you being hurt and you want somebody to feel what it is you feeling because you do not know how else to express or to deal with the pain that you are dealing with and that's it takes a big person to consider it because it's really hard to consider that as that person is causing hurt you know yeah yeah so yeah I think that's what uh why why Tisha do mail like that at some point she needs to get counseling yeah she is good she is jealous you understand she's envious you understand what I'm saying because remember when Mel had taken the first one I think we're first or second episode when she had um lovely children the home with Marcel she was happy that Mel was but then again muscle find the one trigger to make her feel less than um so she had to pull back and go back in her space um that's not what that's not our agreement because he said a lot of people on screen that's not our agreement that is Martel and Melody this is muscle and we agree that care what's going on you're gonna stay in the house period it's not a good discussion right because my soul did not like teach teacher hanging or going anywhere with Melanie because because he was afraid Melanie is talking and give her some good advice that he don't want her to hear yeah he don't want her to be edified right right he want to keep her her exactly that she is and then I don't know if 41 fiddle come up because she don't be coming up all the time she I heard her voice though she has such a soothing voice but um it blessed her entire soul this week with your reenactments she might not come up 41 feet don't always come up did you want me to step down and see and I can come back up so far I'm not maxed out I don't think okay up to 10 people okay thank you thank you Jazzy can I say something come on Jazzy I love all y'all I am so happy to be here and thank you for allowing me to be on your platform to practice my public speaking and like I've been wanting to be uh I've been trying to uh be on live and be native okay no nervousness black Titanic Miss Black Titanic for a long time you be educating me and everybody else and I love how you do what you do but next time come on up Will I Be Live I will all right so comfortable when you come up so I you I just want to comment to Trinity this is an awesome place for women's to come and vent to talk about things that that's been bothering you you know everybody don't feel comfortable with going to that place of hurt but I feel real comfortable with you guys feel like uh we family thank you that everything is coming out in love nobody is raping or anything or or hiding in the bushes storing darts at you yeah you can learn from each other you know like my daughter came out she made time to totally don't understand now but later on she'll understand because she heard some of the service up we can't help each other they said mental illness health problems depression all of that so I just I just like you actually love it I gotta quit being nervous I don't know what's wrong with me today you know what it is you we we shoot ourselves down before we can even do it you know what I mean we we are the voices sometimes that's telling ourselves we can't do it yeah that's what we have been told for yes that we cannot do it limitation because you know I'm 57 and um I was told that okay you can have a house but not a big house if you have a hundred children a black woman a two-bedroom house is fine for you you can have a car but not a Ferrari or a Mercedes but Mercy bands just a simple car to take you from point A to point B you want an electric gate to open for you to come in do you understand so we will toward that as as black people that you can have but you're not supposed to dream that big what you're trying to do you're trying to play the white man so these were things that I heard as a child coming up so it even limits our thought of what we can aspire to be true you were saying that the first thing popped in my mind was my mom because my mom always told me that she's and right now she's not here anymore um you know she's uh pass but she's not here anymore but she always told me that uh that was a thing um and uh she I remember she would tell me that um she would never step foot in my house out of the blue we was inviting her to our home my husband had just built his first home and she said she had never step foot in that home because she have to pull off her shoes because we had white carpet um I had my child uh in that home and that one and she told me she would never come see my child so I had three kids she um two of them she never came to see them never came to see me while I was pregnant never came out my husband thinks he is you know the uh cop you know he's still but he's a black man but she said he thinks he's not black he thinks he's white yeah she said that you're right why because he Progressive to my wedding and told the entire family so nobody from my entire family and I got a lot of brothers and sisters aunts everything big huge one none of them showed up not one of them and I sent invites and everything he had everything for them and none of them showed up because they my mom told him if they could come you know you know she just let them know you can't go to her wedding and we're not going and none of them wow explain that Pinky well because she she said my husband was trying to make me live White wow well you guys like me but he grew up he was raised uh he grew up um in a white with his big brother he was the only black person there so he grew up in a different mindset that's why you remember I always say my husband thinks I'm crazy yeah yeah he'd be looking at me sideways all the time but he's a wonderful guy but uh he she she just she always said that and when we put the first child that was able old enough uh sealed and not even barely in kindergarten put in dance class she said uh why would you put your child in dance class um we don't do stuff like that oh wow trying to make her think she's white and then when uh they she found out we had uh uh uh um a housekeeper at that I think they call him Maids now but we had a high housekeeper that did everything right and she said and she put that down why you got you think you this you think you were and I'm thinking she she refused to come to anything the birth of my kids and my wedding she made sure the whole family don't come nothing um she just even as the kids got older uh my kids was big kids when they finally met her for the first time wow sorry pinky but but you know that's sort of like the I don't know the last lady that that just got through talking but that's what she was saying you know where white people used to tell her you know she wasn't good enough to have a gate that opened she wasn't good enough to have a big house and maybe your mother thought you were less deserving for some reason she worked and cleaned for um a white family all her life and she called woman boss lady that was her name is Lady yeah and so she she was conditioned and I mean to be honest with you you have to forgive her I mean a lot of people would not understand and they would not agree with her but I understand her and um I would not agree with her but I understand her because my grandmother and my great-grandmother they both my great-grandmother came you know she was part of the free slaves she was a child and then you know my grandmother so they grew up in that culture where you literally have one part one there's one that one the other so things like putting your child in a dance class because that's the same thing my mother said to me even though my mother tried to do a little better than how I grew up in the country but also you forget your child is all that and you figure you is all that now also you eaten with knife and for also you're not eaten with another cake right that's the same thing also you not beating with blue soap anymore you you what is body wash you get white so this is thing that they are conditioned and they think that these things is taboo and they think that these things also make you lose your identity and your culture but again because of lack of knowledge yeah yeah a lot of relationship was severe only because of or how they were conditioned and they were not willing to learn any better because it was taboo because right it was terrible yeah and and you got to remember I came from uh my mother uh a shotgun house dirt uh never grass in the yard was awesome you know what a shotgun house is yeah where you run up and down the cotton fields and stuff uh that's how I grew up in the country I'm I'm a country girl and so she everything we did she didn't like it and she would blame my husband is he did his and he you know he's trying to make you into this and when we uh uh would buy cars she would have a fit and when we was building uh a second home she really had a fit I mean she just no matter what happened she have a fit and she got to a point she would not even call me when not when and I tell her uh I'm pregnant again or getting ready to help she have no feelings about it oh I'm not gonna come there yeah I'm sorry but you have never gave me a birthday party it took me to go to college to realize that black people do have birthday parties yeah we grew up her telling us you don't you don't celebrate your birthday [Applause] I never had a um a party but never given a birthday card until I went to college and my roommate at the time she when I did get a roommate because most times I couldn't have a roommate I didn't want a roommate but when I did got get one this uh young girl her mother sent her a cake she got a card birthday gift and I that was to it was almost I never heard that everything you get she said yeah you don't get you never had a birthday party I told her no it took my husband to give me my first birthday party oh my husband to give me and my mother did not show up still no matter what happened she would not show up and we let my uh the oldest daughter go down uh to uh spend the summer once right she came back totally different I mean when we we got there we noticed signs of she's not the same person that went away and stayed for two and a half months he came back talking like we have never heard and it took us the whole ride coming back to keep reminding her what did you just say can you say that again because she was talking you know uh down south they have a way of talking and she was started talking like that acting okay oh I was going to say uh first thank you for allowing me to be up and I just want to thank trending and choice and everyone that's on the panel tonight but just creating such a comfortable space where people can lay their hair down and feel safe yeah um I think one of the biggest things with as we're looking at all of these reality shows and you know lamh in particular I think two points stick out to me right now is being comfortable in your skin yeah being comfortable with how you know like you know I don't know you know everyone's beliefs um but you know if you do believe in God they create how he created you right or um you know how you were made we look at Tisha and no one could deny how beautiful she is yes wouldn't it be beautiful for her to actually feel that from the inside out right now to be able to embrace that she's an excellent mother to her children and she can pull on the strengths that she has deep down on the inside we look at Kimmy and Kimmy is a natural-born nurse and nurturer yeah she was able to be exactly how she was created to be um or you know we look at the mothers that are on the on this particular show that I'm mentioning and how we pull on the strengths like we have black Titanic we have Miss pinky on the line um you know I I think we've shut the mouths of the elders the ones that we can pull from the ones that we can learn from um one of the things that I love I love a good Kiki and I love some shade uh but I also love to learn more about myself um I come from uh Haitian immigrants uh on one side and I also come from you know we come from Marshall Texas East Texas right and and Shreveport yes I'm in Texas too you are yeah you know exactly where we're from so you know my grandmother and her twin was born in Shreveport and you know Marshall Texas was right across so um you know I come from a very proud proud people but what happens is if you're too proud the way that we as a people I'm talking about people of color you can't be too proud and you can't be you can't love yourself too much uh because people are going to try to shut you down right so I see that with Tisha I see that with many of the folks you know we look at Mel and okay we're looking at her lips uh being recreated before us which is beautiful right she's comfortable in her skin um she knows what she can she knows her strength and she even knows her weaknesses and with the right type of parenting you know if we go back to season one or maybe even season two she mentioned that her father really wasn't a part of her life no and um but her mom seeking for her to have a better life wanted to um she wanted to pull on those strengths within her within her daughter and I appreciate that about her because um you know sometimes and I was a single mom before I married my husband and we can and I'll shut up after this we can overcompensate right and we can and that's probably what happened with Tisha coming up um you know big Wanda she might have came in and overcompensated and you know in an effort to make Tisha feel better about herself she made other people feel lower about themselves uh Kiki uh looked just like Tisha um in her own skin right right and she's comfortable with being in front of big people so you can kind of see that with a little sprinkle a little bit more nurturing a little bit more self-confidence what you can actually be so I'm gonna put a bow on everything that I'm saying because the star starting to sound like word salad but to say to each and every one of the ladies here and even the gentleman that might watch the replay that it's just so comfortable I mean it's it's important that we create safe spaces for people um it's important like for instance when we look at the the other seasons of this show you can see when Mel was trying to even when Martel was not even wanting to be a part of the group Mel was trying to be that Keystone the person that was holding everyone together going above and beyond they weren't friends season one but they were making fetch happen in order to progress the show in a and and to push forth the original Vision which was black Excellence right and that was male indeed indeed and then you know we see what it's evolved in too but what's important is when as we're evolving as we're growing um we have to Foster the good stuff and throw away the bad stuff so that being said I appreciate the conversation I know I'm kind of late in the game but thank you to all the content creators to include trending and choice my girl choice and all the people that's on this line just thank you for being authentic yeah let me give them their flowers while they're still on here with Choice has been trying to push me to be more in this Lane that we're on today so I gotta give credit to Choice and then for Jazzy coming up to start the conversation for sure because Royce has been like I'm telling you she she gonna she gonna text me like I told you so but yeah I just didn't know how I would approach it and if it felt I wanted it to be in a natural way and Jazzy made it natural Jazzy came up that's what she wanted to talk about and then y'all sharing your stories makes it natural and I appreciate it and I have never shared my story like you know I don't tell people like okay yeah I don't share my story either because there's so many different facets to my life it's like I was like God really I was like honestly like God punching bag you talk red bend it right yeah exactly well abusive husband I literally had uh my husband was even worse than Michael and that is why I understand matter and you understand what I'm saying a lot of women find him not favorable but there are so many men like him and that is when it's spirit and it's also his upbringing he as well has been bullied so he have issue you understand so I relate you know on on that aspect when it come into to um Christianity and church I don't deal with truthful because I've been in church all my life I love the Lord nobody gets in between me and my God ain't nobody but you see church folks I'm going to drink a glass of wine there's new water into and are going to pray from a distance I don't mean to say that I'm not going to you know neglect the assembling of the believer but the believer just make me want to run to the Hill from whence my health coming from yes thank you for saying that because um thank you because your generation is sometimes it's very hard to explain the difference and you put it so well because that's exactly how I feel I was held hostage in a salon chair one time because my person that was doing my hair her dad was a pastor asking me why I wasn't in church look this oh so just the way you put it I just want to say thank you I hate being hemmed up by exactly to make it seems like a whole other thing that is taboo and God this besides and watching that's not what I say that's not what I mean taking my words to Ting what you're supposed to be teaching them about is love my key word is love and forgiveness everything in between no you tell no uh uh tell them about love let us see you living by example right you understand what I'm saying and we want to you know push it down I have seven children as call them the 101 damnation and I mean they grew up until 18 when they was like you know I'm done with the church I don't have a problem with that but they know how to pray they know when they need a problem they know how to reach out to God and never force it down their throat for me that was my the church was my Escape because I baptized at the age of nine so that's like about 48 years ago and so the church was everything to me until I was 20 and the youth pastor who I look up to I am telling you that I'm flipping being molested at home and you looking to come to touch my flipping breasts in the church get the in the name of Jesus I take my hand and I hold on to his not and I plan was to roast them because at them I I I was like you understand what I'm saying like Titanic said for years I did not talk about it because I walk around like a victim I did something wrong that I was being punished yesterday but I thank God for his grace and mercy that I can stand and show that even though that incident happened on Tuesday I'm not I'm not a victim I'm a Victor it don't hurt me anymore I don't talk about it and talk about it to to let another woman know sweetie it's not your fault it's nothing you they don't blame yourself let go love who you are Embrace that experience and channel it into something good because I mean for years my husband my first husband because when I I get into you know married at 19 I didn't know what the X word was all about because as I said I grew up in the church even though I was you know fondled that way still and he stepped out many times because I didn't know what to do and he wanted me to do things that I didn't know what to do I didn't know how to do it yeah and he was older instead of HE teaching me he went outside there but thank God I learned these things so that I can teach my children and and you know well Leon is one who is of age right now that is my grandson that you know that is 19 that I was like oh no you need to know how to talk to them young ladies I tell his girlfriend yesterday I said please stop having my grandson speak to you in that manner you see Grandma I love him as a child don't let me slap you in the name of Jesus through this one I said do not have my grandson speaking to you in that manner period right from a mental health issue um something going on with her mentally to me go ahead go ahead remember you better talk when you get a chance I want to tell you what I think about our minute I'm done I'm just asking y'all I want to look at it from a mental health issue Aryan courage yeah she remind me of my best friend and cause like you remember you said something about the tree the the saying that I was raised up hearing the apple don't fall far from the tree yeah and um I'm gonna just make a long story first of my best friend mother uh was always offered to her husband her husband ended up cheating and having a baby her husband buy another one and then my best friend mother went crazy and then she started to commit suicide and she was doing all you know got on drugs and drinking alcohol and uh she did the love that's when I learned they say Love Don't Hurt our stress kills and love kids and uh and I found my best friend going through that it has been plenty of times where she would call me on the phone uh suicide or one time she said she was thinking about smoking crack over her baby daddy so when I used to see when I first started seeing Ariana she reminded me of them I used to kind of feel sorry for it be like it could be genetic like the Apple though far far from the tree like some women but love or for a man they really like have to have a man would do anything for a pink woman a man could be just garbage and you know the worst type in the world and these women would bend over backwards and continue to allow them so I feel like I always talked about that too I feel like he played on somebody that he could manipulate the childhood trauma and it seems to me she's looking for love and validation all the time I don't know if you had love growing up I don't think she was any better but I don't think so so now she been Hotel give her a few little dollars and take her somewhere you know that's love to her and she want to hold on to that because some people just never really had it because my best friend never had it for her mother because her mother was too busy doing everything for her husband you're right now my best friend is is the apple don't fall far from the tree now he's like that but she has got better um but I think it's I think it's something mental again with her from her childhood of being loved and always looking for love and but I hadn't been I've been loving dealing what you did from her childhood makes her put up with hotel and abuse because she just want to be loving you even listen to when every time she got aired out she looking for validation she looking for friends she looking for somebody left I don't think she have genuine friendship I don't think she had a genuine boyfriend or but we know not a husband family no one to teach her or just to say hey give me a hug I love you I think everybody kind of used and abused her one way or another and that's what she's trying to do to mail for a man but I I really think it's all a depression or mental health I can't say depression mental illness because that ain't no excuse I see my best friend do all kinds of stuff and the second thing her mother does and that stuff is real like it's to me today like that you something is not right there right if people play on that that girl name played on that with cold so you can listen to all the records she played on that and took advantage and hotel is doing that and it just said like ain't nobody in their right State of Mind gonna keep putting up with that this sometimes you know I'd have been did some stupid stuff with their love but it don't last that long 10 plus years anyway she getting stupider I'm sorry right and I'm I'm going to pick it back off what you just said uh that she she's looking for a love and you can tell she never really had it because she was doing the same thing with her child no matter how often you see most times people would uh pretend like they love their child if people are around or maybe being seen she don't even pretend she don't pay her a child no mind she don't talk to him in a in a way that a mother should she she don't she her focus is too busy on live trying to get love from and and anytime you say something she don't like or or trying to give her some advice I'm gonna I'm gonna block you I'm gonna uh uh just whatever you call it block you uh Delete you or whatever she do but the minute somebody say something nice to her oh she just all woman forced uh she get on google eyes but then she's not paying her son her son can be asking for food or asking for this she don't pay that child no mind so she's doing the same thing that she was being taught and no matter often Martel and how bad he can treat her or step out with other women and show them all in public and and everything and and and going he she knows having relations with these women she refused to let him go move on because she she thinks nobody is going to love her okay hi everybody hi trending hi blessed I love you yes I'm like I'm Debbie hi black Titanic I respect you I respect you pinky housewife I love you you guys and the wisdom you guys give us you know and Jazzy J I hear I've been up on the piano with you before um I just want to play The Devil's Advocate I'm sorry black Titanic I grew up in the hood I grew up um with a mother on drugs with a father on drugs my mother's dead due to the addiction and my father eventually changed his life you know I also was in it I grew up around all types of people now my mother's side was country my father's side or college educated this that so I would go to them on the weekends and um so I got the best of both worlds I've been around all types of people and some people even if they grew I believe in environmental mental illness due to circumstances I don't think she got a chemical imbalance I think she might have some depression because of the choices she's made that put her in certain situations I think she is an evil person I think she was evil before she met Hotel I also think that um her mother showed her love in her way because they they value materialistic things in looks right and I think they LED with that that's why no one ever really took them serious to really loved them you know what I mean it was always willing to sell themselves for a piece of clothes a title and to say that they that bad be right so I started to say she is in full aware of what she is doing okay no medication ain't no doctor gonna write her no prescription to fix this how she behaves you understand me yeah Jesus and a good old Mentor or something like that but and and she got to change her thinking process you know what I mean I grew up with girls that had to sleep on crates on mattresses on Craigslist and I'm talking about half of the split between six people four chicken wings mama's sleeping with younger daughters boyfriend type thing you understand me and they were so evil and jealous of everybody else they would like people and pick on people just because they weren't happy because things weren't insecure or loved theirselves so I say that to say Arion coleslaw is just the evil wench and she is just now realizing just a little bit that what she's been doing for years really ain't the way and she don't know how to change it because she's in love with somebody that's just like her that match her except for the person that she's in love with got her in some trouble that ah she's gonna have to um learn a very very hard lesson over you understand because he's going to throw her under the bus he is going to throw her under the bus yeah women have gotten on live and tried to pour into her try to give her good just like um um Miss pinky said try to give her good advice I'm gonna block you she don't want to hear the group because his power over her is way more greater you understand and sorry to say sometimes you know and I said it I think the other night bless um jail is not always a punishment it is you're being rescued you understand you got time to really sit get some therapy in there you know take some classes go to church or whatever religion and be focused on just a routine you know what I mean yeah absolutely those other tempting things but yeah you're gonna have to learn a hard lesson but I'm sorry she ain't that crazy you know I agree with everything you're saying I'm just trying to figure the chick out y'all I gonna have some grace and mercy for her of course plus that's why we love you boo we need you too the reason why why are you talking there it bring me back to something that um my mother went through and uh my mother my grandmother get pregnant and my grandfather he get a scholarship and um his parents give her money to you know to do what but she didn't do it she meet my demand that I taught was my grandfather All My Life um when she was seven months she married her whatever when my mother was 13 after 12 years was literally lunch when my mother was 13 He interfered with her you know someone saying she get you know with child my grandmother get rid of it again she come back at 14 because he continued interfering with her and stuff like that and the second time then tell her marriage that is when my mother knew that that man warned her father because all she knew was Daddy and she was why are you allowing Daddy to do this to me and because of that my mother she was the best thing since sliced bread and at the same time she was the worst thing since corn bird oh because she become very promiscuous she never wanted children and her main goal after that was the attraction and the love and the attention of men that is why I say I understand Aryan and even my mother she passed away in 2012 but even my 2011. my mother used to say oh you feel you better than me because as I said it's certain how I grew up I choose not to be like that you understand what I'm saying and I remember see home you know in the bedroom and this guy there and his wife come looking for him and she get up and she tell the wife go home he come and eat you know he's not a long Runner he'll be home in a minute she never won children she'd never had any love or affection for me and I'm her only child my mother tell me at the age of 35 she do not know why I didn't honor live because she did everything in her power and I said it wouldn't go but I love my mother dearly that I used to that I give my children pstd because I used to leave my children once my mother called because I was in my 30s and 40s and looking for my mother love and attention so that's why I say I understand Aryan to a point just as I understand teacher the difference is my mother didn't have the resources that it had that's what I was getting ready to say yes they have the resources that way now but then sometimes they are trapped mentally as a child and it's hard to reach them so it's something that has to be chipped away chipped away chipped away and history has listened to me all you think we want to be appalled with matter but I guarantee you and I would say this still I have no bread if any one of you ladies get which are one-on-one with Martel all it would come out believing oh no no seriously because it's such a smoothie I don't care I've been a man eater all my life actually Melody said that the judge disagree and did not give her what she want when and told her to give Mattel her number all churches don't got a good mind because he's such a small talker he he has such a way with words that he would have you sympathizing with him when he don't give you I grew up with pimps and hoes well then there would be very few who is not going to be swept away by him but the majority would be because he is that manipulative so but again as I said she uh at an age where she know right from wrong she has a hundred and one different medium that if she wants to go and get help and Paris remind me of me getting away from my mother and baptizing at an early age so she is looking for that inner peace that inner strength in the midst of the tumor so when she go back by her mother because based on what um Cole's law said that she's by her father for the holiday so when she go back by her mother when school start she has something more that she can hold on to she has something that she that could give her strength because if she like me many nights she's just crying in her pillow I have so much teddy bear because that becomes my friend who I would talk to and tell what's going on because that's the only person that would listen to me not answer not condemn or not judge beside God and my teddy bear I I get what you're saying because I've been through stuff too I told you my mother was addicts I had to pull a needle up my mother's arm when I was eight years old so I get all that you understand me I get you know people feel we felt we felt lonely I got third degree burns on both of my arms okay if you could see it through the camera I'll show you right now from my uncle throwing hot grease on me so let me tell you something I know about them nights when my mother was in jail and the neighborhood kids would tease me about my mother being locked up and I don't got no mother and my grandmother was too fat to come outside I remember being teased I still know how it felt and especially when I started having my kids I didn't want them to feel what I felt I didn't want other people to feel what I felt so I chose not to treat people at in a way to hurt them deliberately have I been perfect no but did I deliberately hurt people absolutely not she's evil and if she wanted to change she would shut her mouth and use the resources that's online that's on the TVs that's ever I do therapy over Zoom once a week right now she chooses not to she chooses to stay in that grass he don't even live with her she can get away she is away he has shown her she chooses to stay stuck my grandmother is different than me on my father's side my grandfather made a baby on her and she took that baby in and raised that baby and she there 50 something years still together and that girl's grown with kids and she give my grandmother her butt the kiss well done I I completely understand that now if someone been in as hard a situation as you I see how they may not but you know how they say the statistic of someone unfortunately being assaulted is they're more likely to be assaulted again and I think that's where blessed is coming from but do we know that she's been assaulted area and I'm talking about how blessed is saying that there's um well actually let me separate my two points I'm sorry I'm not defending Ariane first of all that is not what I'm doing I was saying that I think that there are a lot of women that could be susceptible to Martel I don't think that you're one of them but I do think in a general population where blessed is coming from they have this thing I don't think anybody at this point anybody that's really following Melody closely could be Charmed by Martel at this point but I do think that in general when you don't know he's one of those people he's dangerous like that that's what I mean I'm from Oakland and we met I did that part I thought they sailed and I I've been around women but my thing is how long are you going to take it they usually wake up after a while you got babies this is babies that ain't even alive and you got one alive and you're still he put you in so many different situations and you're still hanging on when do you wake up though she will it's gonna be she's gonna be the what did they call it the for my man she's might not wake up till she in prison and that's what I said she gonna be rescued by jail because he gonna throw up under the bus that's exactly what I said Montel to throw anybody on it that's when she's going to learn because I have a question go ahead Jazzy so y'all heard Melanie live when she did that last promo promo code and she mentioned something about the legal and I don't know it was kind of rumor has it that uh they have warrants for their arrest I kind of believe it here in Florida she F in uh Atlanta and but you know Melody talk without talking but then she did say some of our Revelations and she mentioned something about the the law so do y'all think that uh that they they that they crack it down on the situation or lawyers are police or whoever I think that they have gone to officially report them I definitely believe that and I believe there are some lawyers involved that's where I think they've gotten so far I do I agree I want to say thank you because I got a quick Gap in here I want to say thank you for the cash out to Arleta Jordan thank you so much for the 10 cash apparelita and I have two new patrons uh 41 fit hold on and I saw the other one because I'ma say thank you while y'all are still on here 41 feet and Sylvia P thank you so much and I do I do be uh posting my patrons y'all so I don't know if you don't if you want to support me in private I don't know how you're gonna do it because I'll be too grateful that I'd be trying to show who's supporting me so you're in sweetie I love those lips right there girl yeah I keep looking at them lips like them lips is Juicy yeah don't enough time to lift you have to pay for and I like the color too the shade and the gloss thank you I was like struggling for a second I was like well guys you might not see these ah you did a great job nah I like it um I love it yeah me too you know uh when I mentioned about me being nervous to speak and then the first thing you said was that's what you was told that and then somebody else came piggyback off of you instead uh that's true but you know what it never dawned on me to y'all just said it um all my life me and my middle child always been prophesied over I always had um I know y'all I don't know if y'all heard of Angela Rye but I always wanted to get here but black on black crime I'm always the one that's trying to help this thing third and you write one day I was in church and I had I always got a good idea but one day I was in church and the past the the assistant pastor told me but I was scared the public speaking I said that he said because you ain't gonna be able to do it because you published speech you could speak to me I mean the way you speak to me like 101 or anybody 101 is better but you you'll never be able to do it this isn't a platform if you have a fear of speaking public speaking oh he discouraged you from trying yeah and I never did understand they bothered me back then because I always had an inspiration dude and it's been prophesied over my life ain't even my child and uh until you said somebody been telling you that then I realized somebody did tell me that yep I'm sorry that the pastor will tell you that I'm sorry thank you but um I do got I I don't work back I gotta give my daughter got a gift I love God and I'm born and raised Baptist now I'm not denomination I ain't been to church in a minute but my house is considered church so yeah I'm gonna get better I'm gonna get there one day at a time yes you will and you are getting there Jazzy you came up I recognize your voice because I hear you on other panels you are doing it yep you don't even sound like uh picking I'm sorry real fast choice you might have to speak up just a little bit I know your throat hurts you might even have to get closer to your mic but I at least hear you now I do hear you so hey ladies hey there we go so first of all let me just give a shout out to trendy I told you you gonna do what you know I'm gonna tell you that partner right there second of all I Ain't Mad At You Keep On jumping on your husband baby cause I ain't even Maddie get it get it okay okay okay behind the scenes you already know girl you gotta quit playing like that Ladonna ain't Debbie thank you guys for bringing the real characters to the stage for real I really enjoyed you guys today I love you too Mama I I want to say this to 41 5th thank you for the compliment trendy and I what people don't know is being a content creator for her she takes it very personal and she and I have a conversation every day before her chats come through because she want to make sure she gives you guys the best part of her and everything she tasted very seriously I mean everything that you see in the chat she's approves it she want to make sure she's equal across the board unlike me I'm about to tune his outfit everybody equally across the board that's just me okay that's all I'm just saying um today platform blessed so many people we have people in the bushes some of my nieces some of them and my sisters she's in the chat also you guys just opening up being there very honest with yourself and about menopausal just about your own personal stories you just don't know how many people you guys have helped I am so humble I am very humbled by all your presents today just you just don't know it's like I didn't went to church and got my whole spiritual deposit for you guys and I just want to say I am humble I'm very blessed by this whole conversation today if anybody know know Mommy didn't get to come today because I'm in a flare-up with my lupus so I was at the hospital this morning and then went over to mommy house to finish up her her porch Jazzy and trendy you already seen the pictures and stuff oh you know so I'm just I'm just really blessed and she will be on board next Saturday because she wants to be here but I just want to tell you guys thank you so much for giving tree the uh the opportunity to bless your platforms and you guys coming back and blessing thank you but you know blessing her because y'all just don't know she she Man Behind the Scenes she was like I trust what we gonna do and I'm like we gonna do the doggone thing that's who we go she makes it easy I can just feel her energy she's just a bubble man not right right there that part right there and I love the fact that she she does not have a what you get on live is what I get behind live I'm being very honest with you and a comedian to her heart y'all just don't know she's funny as heck and Mr trendy this morning jumped in the chat I hardly got my whole life this morning when he was on the premiere oh yeah y'all didn't catch it with my Mr Trenton created an account called trending right now to troll me he was calling her in in the premiere this morning and I got my whole life but guys I just want to tell you I listened to all of y'all on different platforms and you guys come with so much knowledge and you come with so much love and Ladon I promise you you are my girl in my head you say the stuff I be wanting to say but you know I can't be Windmill and in the chat like that because I respect my girls too much but I appreciate you all just I'm gonna be praying for you okay you and your family and Jazzy don't you ever say you scared to speak because today you to go today yeah please you opened up a conversation about milk all kind of health and stuff girl I'm just gonna say this y'all I don't I'm through menopause I have a cycle once a year thank you Jesus and that's why I've been trying to be on Mr Choice all the time because I still like that man after 33 years he's still finding me I'm just saying Jesus thank you that's how it's supposed to be I just want to go ahead I was gonna say do you see 41 fifths message and 41 feet I need your email address also so if you pass it on the choice I'll get it from her but I need your email address too but you see the message Choice yes I'm gonna guys what I'll do is I'll drop my email down off and then you guys and I'll let me say this out of this group being with trendy I have two great people that is willing to come and help me with my organization and that's our leader Jordan that lives not too far from me and Jazzy's gonna do my paperwork via internet I thank you guys for helping me because you just don't know the things that y'all do and build me up off of this line keeps me going because a lot of times when you House people and you feed them every day and they have a nerve to call you out your name and spit in your face I promise you I be trying to be the Good Shepherd and with those two ladies coming aboard I appreciate y'all so much I'm gonna drop down and I'm gonna put my email in the chat you guys try to grab it because I don't like to leave it in there too long because I like getting bombarded but I will put it off in there Jazzy you know you you know I'm a phone call away I already know anytime y'all anybody know my phone stay on all night long because I do I have a shelter so I'm always on call about something I'll either joy to me you're gonna do some fabulous that's what I want to open up some shelters and some programs I gave I gave the whole thing how you can do it from your artist and Corporation and all day don't say worry about all right all right so yeah that was done that was something so good but I'm gonna tell you guys this just so you know anybody can start up an organization and you can always start like the first thing you need to do is get you a fundraiser if you don't have a 501c3 what you do is you can own you'll be allowed a lot I think five to ten thousand dollars on our on a non-profit organization when you're trying to store it but the first thing you doubt is get your name get your tax ID number do your font people don't realize font means a big thing get your motto get your mission statement and your colors people will recognize you by your colors okay colors but what I'm gonna do guys so you guys I'm gonna put it in the back and for those who don't have it if you look in the chat in the back I'm gonna go ahead and drop my number so you guys will have it in the chat and then um I helped I mean it's not it's not crazy to me like it I don't think I did enough but I did help choice choose a logo and create a logo if yes if it's pretty simple I I will help you create your logo so you can get that you know make that your your own and get your the legal part but I'll help you create the logo if you want so ladies my name is say your name again say your name again it's Choice yeah we'll put it in the chat let me say this trendy came through I was ready to change my logo she's like choice I don't know because you know people be fine I say look I'm a simple girl I'm a beautiful girl we we are so great and blessed by what she did my like I said my numbers in the chat but I just want to come up and say trendy I love you thank you so much for choosing me to be your ma I really appreciate you so much you're my big sister at this point you are exactly you could be my mind too you know you know you know I already told you Jazzy I just appreciate you and black Titanic thank you for blessing us with with everything that you do every day you are my auntie in my head I promise you you are ladies you're talking to a person that was is a survivor of incest um for four to five years about a woman that was set on fire my husband that pushed me down a flight of stairs and I have maybe 10 months old and I'm still standing here amen I have 1500 people a day and I feed over please I'll gonna date oh bless you know somebody's tired because I'm old I'm 56 even though Trina said I don't look 56 I'm 56 and I am so humbled um that God gave me his grace and mercy I'm not saving Sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost I'm saved by his grace and mercy and I know amen I'm a pretty kid I know the difference my husband is a preacher kid I don't let anybody lay hands on me but my husband and my pastor because the transfer in the spirits is real it's really really that's real too and I just you know I'm just humbled that I had a father that said you going to church nothing else with Jesus and then sometimes the church people are the worst people to hurt you in the world and we live in discernment you always know what you're supposed to do see one thing about it 16 for show when God show you your purpose and you don't walk in it then you're gonna have to live up to you're going to answer God and you don't walk in you're not held accountable right and I'm like and I'm not up here to preach I'm just uh y'all just don't know how much today and I'm a country girl from Texas and stuff like that and I just I'm a girl from the projects from the red brick projects where my toys don't bump your guns if you can't talk you know and I thank God that even though everything I've been through I got him and I gotta I'ma say it and I'm Gonna Stand ten toe downs and two feet flatware I got a thousand good husbands ride or die and Pinky don't feel bad cause I got housekeepers too you talk to I said oh I'm sorry cause we speaking in Spanish I said I started to my house I'm blessed and highly favored because I learned and listened to God yeah believe me the dream that I had when I was 17 years old is the dream I'm living right now I was walking up to this building and it was full of people and women and men and I asked the guy that was with me I'd never seen his face I'm telling you I'm telling y'all my testimony I've never seen his face and then God showed me the dream the guy was walking with my husband yeah when I was 17 years old and the place that was I thought that I was running abrupt or something yeah you know I got to say it was my shelter that's what it was wow and this was when I was 17 years old so I know God know God to give you that discernment you just got to walk in yeah you may not see the footprints in the stand but I promise you Daryl yeah did you cut off my phone that ring do you hear me yeah as soon as I clicked over choice choice I'm here and I'm just saying to y'all standing there walking it Ladon you are the first person to do this I've heard your story let me tell you it's women sitting out there waiting on you your purpose is tied into other women your story is how you have come along and where you've been yeah you better step in and watch God and I'm gonna tell y'all something else don't chase money chase the vision because that's right Vision God will make it for you he will put the money in your pants I'm telling you what I know absolutely and this ain't been an easy thing y'all I'm telling you in these last few weeks Trinity would tell you I've been through emotional Warfare for real I'm telling you God got his hand on you yeah I know and you've been running for a long time and guess what he didn't hemmed you up and made you sit down so you can understand and I'm not here I'm just telling you what I feel and what I see on you okay I needed to hear that I needed to hear that that you doing on that platform that you do that you do so well put it on paper make it plain cause God don't make a mess right and you got my number y'all look in the chat line I got it I already wrote it down all right yes choice choice choice choice choice yes oh my God you just hitting me upside the hand I'm sorry the head upside the head upside the head I just I had to come up thank you thank you no you thank you because I love to just hear you speak I love to hear you speak because you speak with authority and see you and Ladonna have authority women will listen to you it's not an authority of fear it's authority of naughtiness and y'all Hallelujah and I'm gonna say this to y'all give y'all a quick round of a drop back down in the chat father God we thank you for being an alpha omega the beginning and end in the first and last God we come you hardly bound our heads your children God we are not we are not what you call Beggars God we are not poppers we are warriors we stand on the Altar and we pray and we walk away and we say and it is so we send you the highest praise Hallelujah Lord I want you to cover every last moment from the crown of their heads to the soul of their feet right now bro we just thank you for the doors that you already open for this in Jesus name we pray we thank you for being an alpha omega in the beginning and then first and last and it is so amen thank you Jesus amen thank you hey can I tell y'all I said a prayer before I reached out to Choice um and I kept asking I kept asking for confirmation too because she told me like three or four weeks before so I um I found her own tea talk I went to tea talks young because Chit Chat be shouting us all out so I was on t-talk with your girl Channel and I was like yeah one day I'm thinking about going live but I'm so scared and she talking Choice like if you need help you know let us know and choices like if you need a mod I was like oh my God they just they don't even know me yet and I was like okay so that I held it and then choice would come over and sometimes she likes something to comment and I ain't saying nothing to her we swing by and I prayed I was like please tell me if this is the right one because I'm so protective over everything I do well most of us are that you care about and so I got my confirmation and I reached out to choice and I'm telling y'all it's been just a a blessing I don't know how to put it's just been a blessing ever since amen as I said what happened over the weekend I'm still you know dealing with it I'm praying with it and stuff like that because and you know I come on the computer because I like to you know call myself a pensioner in college because um um I am in college um this is I have two more semester to get my bachelor's and um all right now so um I came to check out you know what um the cast schedule is if they post up any books and that I have to purchase and I was like you know what you know let me just click on YouTube and when I click on YouTube I see that you was live as like you know what no I don't want to be on the YouTube street today and I click into CUNY and I log in and I find myself I said let me click in and I've been listening you know in the background for quite a while I've been listening and I was like oh okay God this is why you want me to take it because you know the finishing of my you know releasing you know everything that I was dealing with you understand what I'm saying so I want to thank you uh each and every one of you ladies um on here and I pray go trending that God continue to bless you and continue to take you to the place where you know he wants you to be a choice you have just said something that you know I've been running and whether decided I want to do it and I want to do it and for years people have been you know do it and you know um but I still going to continue to trust God but thank God for your words um so each and every one of you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you and continue to be blessed thank you yes yes a couple of weeks ago remember how you use it you know I've started popping in right right and you was doing one by one I was like I was I was no I was cool with it because I wasn't going nowhere I just kept coming back on up right and then I just started this new job because I'm a new widower you know so I you know shut myself in for a while and now I'm finally getting back out there you know so I started a new job and I just got off and my feet are hurting arthritis going through my body right but I said at the end of the day I'm grateful I am blessed I'm you know I'm just so happy that I'm getting back out in the world but when I clicked on I sat down and I clicked on you was on and I said I don't care how tired I am I'm getting up here [Music] I was so happy to see that you took on you you take you're opening up and I am so proud of you and this is only the beginning baby yeah thank you thank you amen amen for your lips and I gotta say to bless in my head you my auntie because my grandfather is Trinidad Trinidadian right yeah Winston Ross he's from Trinidad and Tobago yeah and we have family in New York too but you just remind me of my aunts making that rum cake you know well that I love you Deli I'm not a kitchen mechanic everybody thinks you're most trinidadians a kitchen mechanic God have blessed me with husband who could be kitchen yeah your Trinidadian making clothes I am only to look good in the kitchen okay a reason to cook right now I'm mad at you I'm gonna uh get in the bushes for a little while because husband is looking at me right now oh yeah pinky we've been doing this for a while I definitely understand dinner time but I can hang out in the bushes and eat at the same time okay okay okay okay look they still eat together ain't that sweet probably uh in a little bit and everything I think is she still in the bushes did she drop down in the picture down she might be in the bushes but she dropped down from the um okay if she's in the bushes guys thank you for letting me be up on the panel with you thank you Trinity and congratulations thank you yeah yeah that's what I'm saying yeah I meet you guys on um you know Chit Chat panel because I don't go too much um you know paneling stuff like that and then when class start back fully because I'm doing five classes intern and I work full time I work at night yeah I work from eight in the night to eight in the morning trending yes I'm so embarrassed blessed you know why I'm embarrassed right what's up honey I've been falling asleep for the last three lives I can't give up I'm addicted okay I usually don't snort but I told you I started a new job I'm trying to get on a routine and I'm just out of whack and I was snoring I didn't even have it on mute I fell asleep on chit chat lines I'll be giving her all my watch time and the digit just came on a few minutes I'll see you all over there okay [Music] thank you but I really do love you and you just continue you know pressing forward and continue doing you and doing what God called you to do thank you I'm gonna replay this live when I start getting doubts apparently this is yeah you know and understand what we failed to realize that God didn't call us to be perfect he knows that we gonna fall down but she has Mercy is enough to get back up where he knows that we is going to make mistake but he is there he is going to place people as he put choice and all the other people in your life to be your I'm a bearer to be there for you to help you to support you so don't you understand be afraid don't be like me because that's one thing I'm good at I'm good at encouraging people but when God tell me to do it as like Father you need to find somebody else and me so I have been chastise over and over because for the longest while you understand especially what I've been through my motto my aim is in the sun to empower women from all walks of life you understand someone say and it's just that no ah not today God not today God but in um I had to say kind of like in my former life I don't do it as I used to I um and then so I still get called from Trinidad England you know Sister B can you pray with me do you have a minute so you know that is what I I do but sometimes that and all who is a task within itself people don't understand how you know heavy that can be so I want you to continue keeping your head up and continue pressing forward Good night darling I'll play our outro music I'm gonna put the lips well now I'm gonna play the outro music the lips will be available on patreon or if you join on YouTube download but thank you all for joining me this was oh this was a blessing yes yeah I'll be on your patreon okay Jazzy yeah good night y'all good night good night I'll play our music out for y'all till y'all go on over to chit chat but we have a sketchy Saturday special outro so I'll play that thank y'all again I really appreciate everyone and see y'all over at Chit Chat I'll see y'all in the comments of somebody's stuff because we be in the same circles bye y'all [Music] right here [Music] right here [Music] episode [Music] oh my God [Music] let's just go away [Music] in a long time [Music] let's just do it hmm