Why? Why did you kill your mom? Why all this hatred? I wanted to release from all the hard things I had to do and how pointlessly hard I made my life. I was trying to make an excuse and act like I was broken. You just saw 18-year-old Joshua Carmona, a son who killed his own mother just hours ago. Despite a failed attempt to escape the police, Joshua will now be forced to make a chilling confession. Today I woke up and I killed my mom today. That was me. Was she holding on to you? She was trying to grab her throat. So she was fighting cuz she couldn't breathe and she was trying to get away from me. On March 20th, 2017, Steven D'Angelo received a string of strange text messages from his wife, Tara, on her 39th birthday. Concerned that something was going on, he asked his father, Bob, to go check up on the couple's home in Riverview, Florida. And this is when Bob discovered a horrifying scene. Tara was wrapped in a blanket, surrounded by blood, and her car was missing from the driveway. As officers arrived by 400 p.m., they immediately had a person of interest, 18-year-old Joshua Carmona, Terara's son. According to Steven, his stepfather, the two seemed to have a troubled relationship, and Joshua was also missing on the day of the murder. But why would a son want to murder his own mother? To get any answers, cops first needed to find Joshua. They issued an alert for him immediately, and 5 hours later, by 9:30 p.m., they found him driving Terara's car in Hillsboro Avenue. He was pulled over and brought in for an interview the very same night. And as detectives began to talk to him, Joshua would reveal a bone chilling story. The following footage has been provided to us by the Hillsboro County Sheriff's Office, Florida. Josh, I'm honestly I just want to know what happened tonight, man. But what happened today? Today I woke up and I decided I I killed my mom today. That was me. Okay. Why did you kill your mom? I just I always sometimes I had this plan cuz I knew part of me hated them. Like my mom, okay, it's me and my mom and my stepdad and my little sister in the house and I don't know if I'm ready to do this right now. Well, when did this all start for you? It sounds like there's been some things that you've been thinking about for a while. It doesn't seem like just at, you know, one moment it all happened, right? Like um I've recently got out of prison in Georgia, I mean jail for a DUI and I was getting ready for a court date in April in Pennsylvania. And instead of like getting ready for that, I was just thinking maybe I should quit, maybe I should give up and just try and run away, get high before And just the plan was to just like go die and just avoid that. I just want I just want to just stop. You had said that you weren't ready. Do do you want to continue talking to us? I am. Okay. The plan was to go do something like that like where I'm just really high. And what I did was I went after my mom to get the car. Okay. And just Were you planning on harming yourself? Yeah. But the main thing was that I was thinking about that led me to do this was I was blaming my mom for not being there. And I like I think I just held that. I hated her for that. And we were just not talking about it because of me cuz I was just getting just going out late, not being sober, ruining that. I think they kind of worked together. Like I was gone from the house more just getting high. They noticed I wasn't there and we just stopped talking. Joshua's past seems to be the reason for his severe distrust and hate towards his mom. But what exactly happened? Tara gave birth to him in 1998 when she was just a teenager. At the time, she handed Joshua over to her grandparents to raise him as Tara felt she was unable to do so in the absence of the father and often talked about how Joshua was an unwanted child. Joshua was only reunited with Tara when he was 11. However, the distance and isolation between the two only grew deeper from here on out. Tara married a new boyfriend, Steven, in 2012 and had a daughter with him named Caitlyn, who in Joshua's eyes was much more cherished than he ever was as her parents showered her with love. From Joshua's perspective, 11 years without his mother, the feeling of abandonment and the stark contrast he perceived between the love shown to his stepsister and his own life only fueled his intense feelings. Unfortunately, these weren't only directed towards his mother, as Joshua had one more victim on his list that day. I've been thinking about this like for a while. When you say thinking about this, what do you mean by that? The Oh, that's a good question. I've been thinking about harming my parents. So, not just your mom, your stepdad, too. That was the what I was originally going to do today. Okay. What is that? I was Let's Let's start from the beginning, man. What how how did you do it to your mom? What did you do? When she came home, I snuck up on her and I used a bat. What did you What did you do with the bat? I I did what you saw. So So what obviously this this was something that that we haven't really done in the house too much. So So just just you know c can you take me through how you did it? I don't want to talk about that part. Okay, that's fine. That's what if if you don't want to talk about that that's fine. That was the work. That was what? That was the worst thing I did. Okay. I made a lot of mistakes, but that part wasn't really it didn't add up. And it was it was I did something so bad. I just don't Okay. Let me Can I ask you this? I killed her. I I I I know. Okay. But what what I what I would like to know is where's the bag? It was in the house. It's in the house. Okay. I left everything in the house. Okay. What What other What did you use? Anything else? Like I was trying I was cleaning up the carpet. Uhhuh. I didn't use Well, there was a knife, too. Okay. But I didn't really use it. Okay. How'd she get the injury on her neck? From the knife. The knife. Okay. Josh, there there obviously there's there's some things that and and you feel com you talk to me about. I'd like you to talk to me about whatever you feel comfortable with. Okay. I'm not going to force you to talk to me. You want to know what happens? Yeah. But I I'd like to be able to explain it somehow to to whoever is surviving here. Okay. That's the Let me ask you this, Josh. How do you feel now that all this is over with? How do you feel now? Like about me or about Did it you had said that you've been playing this a while? I feel I feel like I completely ruined Caitlyn's life. Okay. Well, you know, Caitlyn Caitlyn's young. Okay. But she's going to I feel like I did to Caitlyn what happened to me and what I was blaming my mom about. I did that to her. Josh, tell us about that because we want to understand for you what's going on. You know, we want to understand obviously there's been some tough things that have happened in your life that have led up to this, right? It's not something that you just decided this morning was going to happen. And you talk about holding some things against your mom that happened to you earlier in life. Okay. We're detectives, right? So, we detect things. We go out. We gather information and we've gathered a lot of information today because we were worried about you. We wanted to find you and see if you were okay. All right. In gathering information, we understand that you didn't have the easiest life growing up. It sounds like you didn't have a dad that was around much and you had a mom that had an opportunity to be around and chose not to be around. Is that accurate? Yes. Okay. And it so I don't want to put words in your mouth, but we want to understand where this started at for you. So when you talk about holding things against your mom, is that part of it? Are we going back to the fact that she went off and was living her own life? It was like that was the justification for it. That's what I was That's what made me think. She told me, "It's okay. and now is the time for you to talk to us. When I when I was a kid and she would visit all I I would all I think about now is when I was a kid and she would visit for like a day or two and then she would leave and I just remember me crying myself to sleep cuz I was really sad. What were you sad about? Because my mom came and I was happy for a little bit, but then she was gone again. Who were you living with then? Just my grandma. So here you had a mom and she would come visit and you would get a taste of having your mom around and then she would leave. Okay. And she told me a few months back that and I I knew she wasn't there cuz she was scared to be a mom. And I was holding against her that she was scared to be a mom then and now because of our bad relationship, I was still holding that against her, too. What do you mean by your bad relationship? We didn't talk at all. And when I turned to drugs, we just we started talking about nothing. Ever never ever seeing each other. This strained relationship between Joshua and his mom was obvious to Steven. According to him, Tara was intimidated by Joshua and tried to avoid him, even refusing to ask him to do simple chores. Unbeknownst to Steven, however, Joshua hated him equally as much, if not more, enough to the point that he was willing to kill him. So, how exactly did his plans of a double homicide fail? You know, you said that your plan was to kill your mom and your stepdad. Um, but you only killed your mom because your stepdad's still alive. So, how did that happen? Did something interrupt that or did you have a second thought? Like, how did that plan get messed up? When my grandpa came home when he came home to his house? To my house. Okay. And he went inside. So, how did was he not supposed to come to the house? I just wanted to give him Caitlyn and go back to my house. So, how were you going to wait for your your stepdad to come home? So, how did that happen? That where were you going to meet up with him to give him Caitlyn? I was just going to drop him off at I was going to drop Caitlyn off at my grandpa's house. Okay. He came straight to our house. What um how did you make arrangements to do that to me to drop? I used my phone. My mom's phone. Okay. So, you were using your mom's phone also. Were you using it as you or you using it as her or something else? Yes, sir. Okay. So, you made arrangements to meet him to drop off Caitlyn where? At his house. Okay. Where where is her phone now? I dumped him. Where? At Brandon Mall. Brandon Mall. Whereabouts? Next to Sears. Inside or outside? Outside. Outside on um I know which one it was. It was in the grass areas. In the grass area like up by the building or over by the road? the parking lot outside of Sears. Okay. Next to the cars. You willing to do that later? All right. So then you're using your phone, your mom's phone, and you're texting your grandpa. What's his name? Bob. Bob. Okay. Bob. Yes. All right. And you make arrangements to meet him, you think, at his house to drop off Caitlyn. Is that right? Okay. Make sure you correct us if we're not right because we want to make sure it's right. All right. So then you said something about but then he comes to your house instead. Yeah. Yeah. So, how did that happen? It wasn't Well, he was I don't think he was questioning why I asked him. Where were you when he showed up to the house? I was at the park. At the park? Mhm. Who were you with? With Josh. With Josh. With one of my friends. Okay. He's who I left Kaylin with. Okay. Josh is a good friend. Like I said, he like I told you right from the beginning, Caitlin's okay. He did exactly what you told him to do. He drove He dropped her off. Okay. Yeah, that that wasn't part of plan at all. I I get it. I get it. And and you know, things do spiral out of control. We understand that. Okay. Keep going with with what what happened. Or was it? Well, you were So then you're texting Bob from your phone and your mom's to arrange to meet him at his house to drop off Caitlin. But you're at the park with Josh. Yeah. Okay. So then what happens next? And I knew he came to my house cuz I could see it on my phone. The door was opened. Oh, okay. Oh, you have cameras like you can pull it up on the app. We have a security thing on the app and I knew at that point it was over. Why is that? Because there was still some on the carpet. Okay. So, at that point, you had already killed your mom. Mhm. Okay. And so, what time was it that you killed your mom today? Around noon. Around noon. All right. You said that she she got back. Where where was she that she left the house? She went grocery shopping. No, I think she went to get Did she go get her nails done or anything like that or Yes. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Joshua's intense need for validation bled into his love life, too. According to a statement from one of his close friends, he often became attached to any girl who showed him attention, a behavior he blamed on his mother, and one that is possibly linked to his childhood. According to a review of 30 studies, there was a wide range of effects that are linked to childhood neglect, regulating emotion, maintaining relationships with peers, and low self-esteem, to name a few. Often this even translates to violence later on in life. As clinical psychology reviews reported that childhood neglect is as predictive or even more predictive than physical abuse for later violent behavior in adulthood. Josh, it looks like there's a weight on your shoulders. Talking about this might lift that weight off your shoulders. It might and again I don't want to beat a dead horse here but like I said we before and it's up to you if you want to keep talking to us or not. She She's She comes in and I say, "Mom, I I hit the before she came, I hit the staircase with the bat, so it was chipped." I said, "Mom, I was standing in the kitchen with the bat and she came around the counter to look at it cuz I told her and I just just hit her." Where'd you hit her? In the head. She fell down, but she wasn't out. And so I just kept hitting her until she until she stopped. Okay. Hit her in that so she couldn't breathe cuz her face welled up. And so it was just muffled and screaming and I was just trying to hit her until that stopped. And then I moved the body to the bathroom. When did you use the knife? After she passed out. Was that in the bathroom? No. In the kitchen? No, it was it was right there. It was right after to just let out blood. Okay. In case cuz I wanted her to wake up. Help me understand that. You said to let out blood so she wouldn't wake up. Is that right? Cuz she was just knocked out. Okay. From the bat, she was just knocked out. So, you don't think she was dead at that point? I I wasn't sure. Okay. I you trying to put her out of her misery? Yeah. So, where did you use the knife to let the blood out? On the back of her neck. Okay. Can you kind of show me where on on her neck? Right in the back. Okay. Okay. C can I ask you this before before we go any further? Are did you injure yourself at all during any of this? Did you cut yourself? No. Did you fall down or anything like that? Any bruising? Anything like that? we need to be aware of. Can I see your hands real quick? Hands were the only thing. Your hands are the only thing. Yeah, cuz it's just like your like callus is almost. Did you Did you punch anything? No, that was already there. Those are Yeah, they look kind of old. You saying your hands because of what? You were going to show us something. I was hitting the um I broke a chair and I was hitting the the staircase with the bat and just using the bat I was talking about in her Paris. Okay. And you're kind of demonstrating like this. So, are you right-handed? Mhm. Okay. So, you were holding the bat this way the way you're showing. Okay. And was she facing you or facing away from you the first time that you hit her with the bat? She turned to me. She turned to you cuz she was coming in the room cuz you called her in to see something, right? I told I I just told her, "Look over there and I just came behind her." She turned to you before. Did she put her hands up or anything? Did she say anything after that? Did you say anything during it? What did you say? But I told her, "Kayla, it would be okay." Okay. And she was trying to push me off and I just told her. I said, "Just stop. Stop fighting. Just like let go." Was she fighting? What do you mean let go? Was she holding on to you? She was trying to grab her throat. So, she was fighting. She couldn't breathe and she was trying to get away from me. Was she on the ground at this point? And I told her, I said, "Just let go." And she wouldn't. And so, I got up and it just smashed. I hit her again in that face. Although the details of Joshua's story are disjointed, let's make them easier to understand. On Terara's 39th birthday, March 20th, Joshua woke up and decided to kill his parents, starting with his mother. Around noon, while Tara was out, Joshua destroyed a section of a banister in their home. He then called Tara and asked her to come back, wanting to show her the damage. As Tara inspected the stairway, Joshua snuck up behind her with a bat and hit her once. But things didn't go according to plan as Tara was still conscious. So, he used a knife and several more strikes from the bat to kill her. With Tara dead, Joshua's next target was his stepfather, Steven, who he planned to kill at home, the same place where he killed Tara. But there was only one problem. There was a chance that Bob, Steven's father, would come to the family's home to check up on them. Not only discovering Tara's body, but potentially walking in as Joshua murdered Steven. This is why Joshua came up with a plan to distract Bob and keep him far away. After stealing his mother's car, he drove to pick up his younger sister, Caitlyn, from daycare. He then texted Bob, arranging to hand over Caitlyn to him. This would keep him busy for some time. Meanwhile, Joshua also texted Steven from Terara's phone, telling him to come home so he could be killed next. But Joshua's plan went up in flames when Steven became suspicious of the text messages he received. Steven immediately told Bob to go check up on Tara rather than pick up Caitlyn, resulting in the discovery of the body. Simultaneously, while Joshua was waiting for Bob to meet him, he quickly realized that Bob had found Tara because of a home security app on his phone that alerted him whenever the doors in his home were opened or closed. This resulted in him trying to escape with his mom's car. But through all of this, several questions remain unanswered. Was there something that triggered Joshua in the days leading up to the murder? And why did he choose that morning in particular to commit these heinous acts? Last night I just went to bed like I still what was going to happen was I had to go do my monthly parole for Georgia and go um get an appointment with my doctor this week. And so I was deciding between quitting and doing this or doing everything I have to do. Okay. And getting ready to like go through probation, go to the hearing in April and talk to my therapist. Okay. So you feel like you're deciding between I tried to make it a choice between those two. Like do I kill my mom and stepdad and try to run for the hills and get away from everything or do I follow through with what I need to do? go to court, face the consequences. Okay. So, those you felt like are kind of your two choices. Like I made it in my mind. I was like, "Today we're going to decide." Cuz I was pinning them against each other. Mhm. And I was like, "Today we're going to decide what we do." And so I went to bed that night thinking about it and I woke up. Why is today the day you have to decide that? Cuz I I'm going to go to my talk to my therapist. Okay. So, can we back up if you don't mind? Let's back up. I just want to understand. So, like Friday is St. Patty's Day, right? Do you go out and celebrate, drink with buddies, anything like that Friday? I went I hung out with my girlfriend, which is who? Emily. Okay. So, you and Emily hang out. Do you guys go drinking? Do you smoke weed together or spice? Okay. And then Saturday, do you do anything on Saturday? What do you do Saturday? I didn't do anything. Like you stay at home or did you go out anywhere? I saw my girlfriend but I didn't do any drugs. Okay. Your girlfriend being Emily? Okay. And Saturday night you you guys aren't drinking, doing drugs, anything? I didn't do anything. Okay. And then what about Sunday? What do you do Sunday? Nothing. So again, you're not out drinking, partying, doing drugs, anything. Okay. And then today's Monday. You said you woke up. You hadn't been drinking or doing drugs this morning. You don't until after you kill your mom, you call your deal dealer to get some weed or spice or something. Is that right? What were you going to get from him or her? I got bud. You went and got bud, which is marijuana. Okay. The spice that Joshua refers to is a synthetic cannabonoid intended to mimic THC. Hallucinations, agitation, and seizures are a few of the side effects that come with its consumption. And oh boy, was Joshua suffering from hallucinations, if not worse. I want to ask you kind of a weird question. Do you um do you ever hear voices that you feel like you're hearing that other people around you don't hear? Yes, you do. Have you ever talked to your therapist or anybody about that? He he knows it. He thinks it's from the the weed. Like he said, um when I started doing it, that's when I would be seeing what is it? I don't see it here and stuff. Other people don't. When you do when you smoke weed. Okay. Is it only when you smoke weed though and you're high? Okay. I wouldn't even when I'm high. I don't know. What do you mean? You don't know what? Like I um I I've seen things in public that I knew I shouldn't believe, but that makes me think there's a lot of things I've seen that I wasn't sure about. What do you mean by that? Like sometimes um I'm hallucinating and I hear the radio say something or people in public say something that they shouldn't be able to know. And so I know when I'm on the drug I hallucinate but I don't know about. So how do you know that you're hallucinating? Cuz typically someone that is doesn't even realize they're hallucinating, right? So, how are you aware of the fact that you're hallucinating? Because there was like a a small few that I confirmed like So, have you ever like like when this is happening, have you ever said, "Hey, did you hear that?" to somebody like all the time. Yeah. And I've seen like water on my pants. I see it and I touch it and it's dry. That's what I would notice when I was drinking sometimes. Mhm. Okay. So, when you're drinking, you see that when you're smoking marijuana? How about when you're smoking spice? I don't Do you know the difference between marijuana and spice? I don't. No. That's why I was opening it up. Okay. So, you're not sure if it's marijuana or spice that you're smoking? Mhm. Does do you do you usually try to like smell it, test it, something like that? Like to to see because marijuana has a distinct odor to it and spice has a distinct odor to it. I just don't know. So, these hallucinations and such that you're talking about, it's when you're high or when you're drinking. Yeah. Okay. When I'm not sober. And what? When I'm not sober. And when you're not sober. Okay. When you are sober, then you don't really you don't recognize or you're not aware of that stuff. Like you don't remember doing that when you're sober, right? I get this like sometimes I'll get the same things where I'm like thinking crazy stuff, contemplating when you're sober. But what was that other part? Like hurting them. Okay. Things have been going on throughout high school and but I've never hallucinated. Have you told anyone that you felt like hurting someone else or? No, I just kept it. All right. Okay. So, I want to make sure we understand you right. You said since you were in high school leading up all the way until now, at times when you're sober, you have thoughts about hurting someone or committing suicide. Well, you didn't say someone. You said hurting them. Speaking about your mom and your stepdad. Okay. Ever think about hurting Caitlyn? Yeah. So, it's always been mom and stepdad. Okay. Or hurting yourself. Um, you wouldn't hurt Caitlyn, would you? No. Okay, good. I was making sure that it seems like you took steps today to make sure that she was going to be with someone that was going to take care of her. And just just to be clear, so because I don't want someone to infer this later on or anything, you never took Caitlyn to back to the house, did you? No. Okay, good. Because that that's a good thing. You don't want to scar that kid. I remember that. Okay. I went to the house. I I do thank you for that and everything because that is something that you never want her to see obviously and everything. You know, we do what we do, but we don't need to include someone who's innocent like that. Mhm. I went to the house and I just left her in the car. Okay. What So, how long were you inside? For like 5 minutes. Was this after? Cuz I know you picked her up from the daycare somewhere between 1 and 1:15 or so. Yeah, like 1:30. 1:30. Okay. And then you went back to your house. Mhm. I went to go get stuff for her. Okay. might be going for a while. Okay. Okay. So, you're only there for a little bit. Okay. Um, so we kind of got off track there for a minute. I want to just go after you left the park with Josh. Where did you go? I just started driving. Okay. Where'd you go? I was trapped between like I was just driving in circles. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go north or to Miami because I was having this conflict in my head Mhm. between going somewhere or like giving into the guilt and turning myself in. Mhm. And I was I decided I was going to turn myself in and just come back to Tampa. How far did you make it? I went to like Ocala. Okay. And I started going east and then I came around. I just came back to Tampa. What was the route you took? I took I just wasn't sober so I don't remember it and I went in a lot of circles because of that. So when was it that you dumped her phone with the Brandon Maul? It was at around like four when I went to go see my dealer. So it was So it was early on in this in in the in the driving around. Yeah. Did you ever go into the mall? So you just drove around and you dumped it outside in the parking lot? This was after I dropped off Caitlyn. Yeah. I went straight there. Yeah. No. And and that that's good. You didn't do this with Caitlyn in the car? Mhm. Yeah. I just dropped him in the parking lot. Okay. Where'd you meet your dealer at? By Sears. By Sears. So right right in the area where the phone where you dump the phone. Yeah. Okay. Did this guy, whoever it is that your dealer is, did he ever see you drop the phone? They were there. They might have seen it. Who's they? It was him and his friend. Do you know their name? They're both in the car. I know Jed's name. Jet. That's my deal. I know my dealer's name. What's What's his What's his name? Jet. Jet. That's what we call him. Okay. Is he white guy or black guy? Black guy. Black guy. Okay. I don't really care necessarily about your weed dealer. Um, but did you tell him anything? No. He might not have told his drug dealer anything, but there was someone else that Joshua confessed everything to. Josh, one of his friends. Now, this might be confusing, but follow along. After killing his mom and picking Caitlyn up, Joshua met up with Josh while he was waiting for Bob to come take Caitlyn from him. But when he suspected that Bob found the body from his mobile app, he left Caitlyn with Josh and tried to run away. Not before telling Josh about his crimes, of course. Who did you tell about anything that happened today? I didn't tell people what happened. Like I I li I lied to them. Okay. I said I was going to prison in Pennsylvania. Who did you tell that to? Josh and Emily. because I like I was trying to say bye to them without saying anything. Did you tell either of them that you had done something bad today or you killed somebody or I said that to Josh. You said what to Josh? I kind of admitted it to Josh. Okay. When you say kind of admitted, what do you mean? Like what did you tell him? Like he I told him I told him I couldn't tell him anything and he was like stop playing, bro. Like he was he was kind of joking with me. And I said it joking with him. So what did you say? Yeah. I I said it I was like I killed someone and I gave him Was that the exact words that you said? I killed somebody. Yeah. Okay. Like I was trying to That was really bad. Well, hey, you know what I mean? I was trying to tell a joke. I like told the worst most joke. because I knew he would believe me. And then I left him with Kaitlin and I just drove him off. When When you say you told him a joke, what do you mean by that? He was like, "Bro, stop. It's not like you did anything." I was like, "I killed someone." Because that's because of how I am. I knew like that's how I tell jokes to say something really seriously and it was because I knew he wouldn't believe me and then this happened and he had to come back. He had to come back where to my I told him to go to my house or my grandparents house to drop off Caitlyn. What happened? No, I mean we we I spoke to Josh, okay? He's a nice guy and he did he was a good friend to you. He What did he do with Kaitlin? He brought her right to your grandfather. I told you from the beginning, I wouldn't lie to you about that, okay? Cuz I know that's important to you, Kaitlin. Her safety, okay? And I saw her with my own two eyes, so I can tell you that she's okay. Josh, before we kind of wrap this up, Just want to leave it kind of in your court. Are you sorry? Yes. Do you have anything you want me to tell anybody? Any family? Anything like that? I'll do that for you, Steve. What you want me to know if he wants to hear it, but I don't think there's anything. You don't think there's anything? Okay. I completely wrote like, "Do you think you'd want to hear from me? You might." Josh, here's the thing. We don't want you to manufacture any feelings here. We don't want you to manufacture an apology or feelings of guilt or remorse. Okay? What did I tell you? Part of our job is that we have to read people, right? If you're not say something to them, that's fine. I get what you like. You want to know? Well, because you know sometimes people feel bad for what they've done and sometimes they feel bad because they got caught and it sounds like you had a plan that you didn't get to see all the way through today. It kind of got screwed up on you, you know, and I can understand that that might be pissing you off too. Like you finally built up the courage pissed off. So, how are you feeling about it? Their family. I did I I did what I thought ruined my life to Kaitlyn's life. I put her in the same situation that I was in. Well, you you don't know that for sure. Is she okay, Josh? Yes. I told you she's fine. Okay, she's fine. I guess I'm not totally and not to be a jerk here, but I guess I'm not totally understanding how you put her in the same situation you were in. Were one of your parents murdered by one of your siblings when you were growing up? She just I I made it even worse. I was I thought I made it even worse. I was in the car with Kayyn after I picked her up in the merry go round and she was crying cuz she wet her pants and she was just this cute little kid crying mommy and all I remember was when that happened to me but I did it so I tried to put her I ended up almost putting her well and You said you tried to put her. So, you must be It It must be really frustrating to see a a young kid, right, being raised by your mom and your stepdad in a way that your mom didn't give you the attention when you were that age. Yeah. I was like, I thought about that. That has to be really upsetting. You see your mom pouring into this little girl in a way that she didn't bother to pour into you. And so, part of this was I was jealous. Mhm. So, let's be real and let's really talk about what got us here today, right? Because that's that's got to be really tough to watch, right? You wanted your mom around in your life. You wanted a dad around in your life. And here she gets to have both. That's not fair. I just it's not fair, but I know I'm just I just made excuses and I tried to blame what happened to me for how I was living. I was making myself and feel like this and I tried to blame what would happened. Who are you blaming? I tried to penal my mom and my parents, my grandma just for where I was raised. But Josh, it sounds like they took care of you. I mean, they did. You know, by your own admission, they did. So, why why all this hatred? Why all this? Why why all that? Why all this? At first glance, it might be puzzling how artificial Joshua's remorse and guilt look, almost as if he is trying to force himself to feel bad. However, there are a few theories that could explain this kind of behavior. For Joshua, the murder itself was a buildup of years of feeling abandoned, resentment, and bitterness towards both his wife and his mother in his own words. When he finally committed to killing her, this was an act of release for him. Joshua seems to know that killing her is wrong. Yet he cannot emotionally connect with this reality, resulting in the forced show of emotions where he desperately tries to cry on several occasions, but cannot. And in these last few minutes with detectives, Joshua will constantly battle with his own conflicting thoughts. Why exactly did he do what he did? And was this really the solution to his intense emotions? You want this to happen? I wanted I wanted to run away, but as soon as I did it, I realized what I was doing had nothing to do with that, and I was just doing a horrible thing pointlessly. You you made a statement to one of your friends today that that that I'm curious about. You said your life is like a movie, something to that effect. Talking stupid. I was just doing things that for no reason. Did you want people to notice you? A lot of attention. You wanted attention. There was a lot of going for attention. Doing things I didn't need to do for attention. Well, this is like one of those ultimate things. A lot of people were paying attention to you. People are going to be paying attention to you now. What kind of attention did you think was going to come out of this? This wasn't about attention. Well, but you just said it was, right? I mean, if we're being honest here, you just said it was. [Music] So I mean don't the thing that the benefit I thought that would come out of this was just a release from what I did to my life besides all the problems like the legal issues. Sure. I made myself [ __ ] for no reason. And so I wanted to release from all the hard things I had to do and how pointlessly hard I made my life. So I just wanted So where are we at now though with this? Do you feel a release? No, I feel like I I I tried to do It was good attention from my family. I've made so many mistakes that they forgave me for and now I made the one they made. Now you what? I made the one mistake they can't forgive me for. Well, those are some goodarted people, man. They, you know, they may find some type of forgiveness for you. I don't know for sure if they will, but maybe somewhere down the road they might. I don't have any other questions. Okay. Josh, is there anything that we didn't ask you today that you think is necessary for us to ask you? Now's your time to shine, man. I felt guilty about it when I saw Kaitlin. Prior to seeing Caitlyn, did you feel guilty? When I saw my mom after all said and done, what the hell? that after it's all done. I threw everything away and it doesn't make a dent in a sense. I tried to end something that had nothing to do with me. And I tried to my life because I still couldn't get over what happened to me as a kid. And I was still blaming and hating the world. Understand? There's something that probably made me a better person. Why would this make you a better person? I had a great childhood. I was a great kid. Maybe I misunderstood what you said, but you just said this would make I didn't say this make me a great person. I said I was a great person. Okay. And I was I was trying to make an excuse and act like I was broken. Okay. I screwed something up. I made the wrong choice. Okay. Well, Josh, um we're going to go ahead and make a phone call. Okay. Um, if you don't mind taking us to where those phones were, we'll do that in a little bit. We're going to move you to a room over here. Okay. Um, and I'll be with you in a minute. Um, I just got to call one of our prosecutors, but can I talk to Steve? We're not going to call right now. I'm not going to do that. Can I say Is there something you want me to say to him? Is there something you want to say to him? I just This is what I want to say to my mom. I'm so glad she's okay. Who's okay? Your mom. What do you mean by that? Because I was worried that Steve was going to have to live with that, Ken was going to have to live with that. And now their family doesn't have to live with that. What do you mean live with that? Like not having a mom. Like her just being taken away because of me. Someone someone that was in their house, someone they loved. Took someone they loved. I was afraid they were going to have that scar because of me. Well, you know that is something they're living with now. Josh, that's something that you may want to think about. Okay. Um I don't I don't know necessarily if you want me to relay that message to them. It's my mom. Let's go. Let's go next door, man. Come with us. While the interview comes to an end here, Joshua's trial was set to take place in January 2020. However, before it began, the Hillsboro County State Attorney's Office offered a plea deal to Joshua where he would only have to serve 60 years in prison in December of 2019. His only response was no. Ultimately, on January 9th, 2020, a jury took less than an hour to find Joshua Carmona guilty of firstdegree murder as he faces life in prison.