Please, I just want to go back and do not not push him, just catch him or something. God, why did I do that? God, I just want to go back. This is 19-year-old Amber Hilberling, who just hours ago murdered her own husband. But soon the reality of her situation will kick in as she realizes that her life is over. Every time I close my eyes, I'm going to see it for the rest of my life. And now I'm going to go to prison. And Josh is dead. My baby's going to get taken away from me. On June 7th, 2011, a man in Tulsa, Oklahoma was taking a quick break from work, smoking on the street when a sudden crashing sound disrupted the calm. Around him, everything seemed normal. But then he looked straight across and up at the University Club Towers across the street. A man in his 20s was free falling from the 25th floor of the building while a woman stood behind a broken window in apartment 2509. The crashing turned into screaming and then into silence as the man hit the eighth-floor parking lot. And soon 911 calls came flooding in. The police department. Yes, I just saw someone jump out of their window out of the probably the 17th 19th floor of the University Club Towers apartment. At 17th and Denver. The glass broke and he fell down. Okay, I see. I don't 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17th floor. Wow, 17th floor, huh? All right, sir. We got help on the way then. All right, thank you, sir. You welcome. When officers arrived at the scene, they discovered a gruesome site. In front of them lay 23-year-old Josh Hilberling, limbs broken and with fractures all over his torso and pelvis. It was evident that there was no saving him. But investigators did have a person of interest, Joshua's wife, 19-year-old Amber Hilberling, who was 7 months pregnant with their to-be son. At the time, Amber stood over Joshua's body in hysterics, asking officers to fix him and repeatedly stating that she pushed him accidentally. But was this really an accident? Amber was 5'5 in and 7 months pregnant, while Josh was 6'4, a former football star and military trained as he was a part of the Air Force. It is unlikely she could push him out of a window by mistake due to the sheer difference in their builds. So, how much of what she was saying was true? And what actually happened in that apartment? To extract the story from Amber, she was transported to the Tulsa police station and made to wait in an interview room along with her grandmother. This is where the two started talking and one of the officers outside heard snippets of their conversation along with what seemed like confessions from Amber. Hearing this, he turned on the room's recording equipment unbeknownst to Amber and her grandmother. What the cameras inside recorded would be equal parts incriminating and devastating. I shouldn't be here. Josh is dead. And I'm here. I didn't just lose my husband. Jeanie and Patrick lost their son. Zack lost his brother. His grandma His poor grandma's going to have a heart attack when she finds out that her her little Josh is gone. All I keep seeing like I just held his body. I just kept looking at him looking at him. Amber, listen to me. I'm not saying that you're guilty. Listen to me. The what I'm saying is is that there's a lot of things at stake that people are going to be doing their jobs. Patrick and him, you know they are going to come after you with everything they got. Okay. You know that. So, you've got to fight for that and you've got to fight for yourself. But who fights for Josh? He's in better place now. Listen to me. He's in God's He's Amber Amber Amber, he's in God's hands right now. He's not supposed to be here. No, he's not supposed to be, but he's in God's hands. This isn't fair. When they come in and they ask you, say, "I don't want to say nothing till my attorney gets here." Do you understand? The detectives at the scene still, okay? They'll be one clearing a little bit and they'll come down here and and talk to you. Get all that so just hang tight, okay? All right. Thank you, but Doesn't that make me guilty? No, that makes the lawyer do his job. Because maybe they will bring everything. And But regardless, I'm going to jail. That doesn't mean We're just doing your rights. You just don't understand how things work. You just don't say nothing till your attorney gets here. Okay? So, we're going to be here for like hours. Yeah, yeah, probably a long night. But you don't say nothing until your attorney gets here. If when they when they come in just say, "I don't want to say nothing until my attorney gets here." Okay? Don't Don't and don't slip any other way. You just have to stick to that. Cuz they are Listen to me. They are going to poke I just want to be with Josh. They're going to I just want to die. No, you don't. Yes, I do. Amber, you got that baby there. This is This is Josh's baby. That's right. This is Josh's baby. That's the only thing that Josh has got. Is that baby. He's supposed to be here. I'm such a bad person. Amber. No, I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve to be a mom. Josh deserves to be a dad. And Josh isn't even a person anymore. You can't talk like that. I'm so sorry. And you can't talk like that in front of You got to hold it together, baby. Let's pause the grieving widow act for a moment here. Josh and Amber weren't exactly a happy couple. Josh's service in the Air Force left Amber feeling neglected and craving more attention. By the time she got pregnant, things hit an all-time low as Josh was simultaneously discharged from the Air Force because he was caught selling drugs. Verbal fights and physical altercations became commonplace and Josh was often the victim. Just a month before his death, Amber had grabbed a floor lamp, thrown it at Josh's head, and pushed him down a flight of stairs. From this incident alone, he required staples and stitches for a laceration on his head. This led to Josh filing a restraining order against Amber, but when officers came to serve it, the couple laughed and dismissed the matter. From that point on, their relationship only grew more turbulent. On the day of the incident, Amber asked Josh to attend her father's wedding, but he wanted to go to a concert with his friends. This sent Amber into a frenzy as she accused Josh of wanting to do drugs again. In response, Josh threw a laundry basket at a window and shortly after repairmen were called to fix the broken window. Did this argument mean that Amber wanted to kill Joshua? From the kind of slip-up she is about to make, it sure does seem that way. Why did he have to die? I can't even Like this is supposed to hurt so much more. I wonder if his parents know yet. I'm sure they did, but They were right. They kept saying if we stay together, I'm going to kill him. Don't say anything. happen? How did this happen? Why did he have to fall out the window? Fall out a window. Why did mom put us in that apartment? Well Why are we there? Why were we there? Why didn't I just leave? He was leaving. I kept just saying and when he leaves, I'll go to my grandma's. Why didn't I just leave? He'd still be alive. We got both struggling. What do you mean? When you was I can't get the image of him out out of my him falling out the window. I'm just trying to tell myself this isn't real and this is all going to be over soon. Will you call Will you have Mom bring me some different pants? Well, uh right now ain't nobody going nowhere. I can't This isn't happening. His were sticking out all over his His whole body was And I just held him. And kissed his cheeks. And screamed for him to wake up. This is going to turn into a nightmare. You're just going to have to pray and work it through it. I don't deserve to pray. Who am I praying to, Josh? Josh hates me. I'm not even going to be able to meet him in heaven anymore because he just hates me. I killed him. Stop talking like that. What kind of person am I? You're a loving person that has been abused by Josh just as well. It is difficult to determine who the abuser really was in this complex situation. There was one incident where Josh had knocked a plate out of Amber's hand and squeezed her breast implant in an attempt to pop it. But a memo from Joshua's brother Zach explains how Amber showed signs of controlling and abusive behavior as early as the couple's wedding. She would get upset at him, embarrass and punch him, hurt him during arguments, and push him down flights of stairs. Not to mention the fact that Amber also had a drug problem, which contributed to her outbursts. So while this situation becomes morally gray, only one thing is certain. Josh was the one who wanted to leave and put an end to this toxic back-and-forth. In the same memo, Josh's father states that Josh often called him sobbing and wanting to leave Amber, but she threatened to take her own life if it came to that. The same was true for the day Josh died. He had packed his bags and called his father saying he wanted to end things with Amber because he couldn't stop her from using drugs while she was pregnant. He was done and needed a divorce. Just moments after this call, Josh was killed. I just don't understand this whole legal system. No, not that. I don't understand the whole pattern of events of the last year. Us getting married and going to Alaska. Everything in Alaska, me being pregnant. Coming back here, getting kicked out of Mom's house, going to the apartment. And then all the furniture just Josh just fall out of the high-rise building? I don't wish y'all would have never went to the apartment. I mean, what are the chance How many times has that happened? All Josh's friends, his family. They're going to know he died because he fell out of a high-rise apartment. And I just keep watching him fall over and over and over again in my head. Watching him fall and think that he, you know, My last thought was please catch yourself. And I just want to know what was going through his head, if he knew he was going to die. If he said a prayer or if he cursed my name or if he just thought that he could catch himself, too. And then just watching him hit the ground. Is there no balcony there from the living room? No, for the rest of my life everyone's going to think I'm a murderer. My family, my whole family. Amber, we don't think that, baby. All of Tulsa is going to know. I don't I want to be the one that's dead. I want to be dead. I want I want Josh to be here. What's What's Levi going to do? Think I could save him. So not only does he have to lose his dad, he's got to lose his mama, too. I just have to I just want to go back. Please, I just want to go back and just not not push him, just catch him, something. This can't be real. I mean, I still have my whole life ahead of me. And I was supposed to spend it with Josh. And now I'm going to go to prison. And Josh is dead. My baby's going to get taken away from me. I can't believe this. I can't believe Josh fell. I I wish I could just get it out of my head. I'm going to tell Levi. I just want to go to sleep. What am I going to tell Levi? That he had a handsome dad. And that he he loved him. And you will show his picture to him. And you will show him and tell him the good things about his dad. But I know what really happened. What really happened? You don't know what really happened. Y'all were in there, you were struggling. I can't believe he fell out the window. Why did that happen? Because it's that little apartment up there with the view and y'all Why didn't I just leave? Why were we there? Why did he fall? Josh is dead. I just want to know what it where he's at right now. He's probably talking to his grandpa. He's just He's probably talking to his grandpa. But I wonder where he went. I just keep seeing him fall. I wish I could just get it out of my head. It's never going to go away. Every time I close my eyes, I'm going to see it for the rest of my life. All of Amber's statements make it seem like Josh was part of an unfortunate accident, but he likely didn't fall out of a high-rise apartment. He was pushed out. It would have been impossible for Amber to accidentally knock him down 17 floors considering the difference in their constitution. So what exactly happened? This mystery was answered by the next door neighbor of apartment 2509. They stated that they first heard the words "No, no, no." Then the sound of running moving towards the window, and finally Amber screaming, "Oh my god." So clearly there was intent to push Josh as Amber charged at him, but was there intent to murder? It very well could be that the answer to this lies somewhere between manslaughter and intentional homicide. I feel guilty for just being here. I just want him to be in the hospital. I just kept screaming his name, screaming saying, "Wake up, please." And I just waited for him to wake up. I just held him. His body became to nothing. Every bone in his sticking out. And I just His eyes were open. And I just looked at him and I just kissed him. And I said, "I'm sorry. Please. I love you. Wake up." Was there anybody else around? God. I just can't even close my eyes. And I'll leave I He's going to have to grow up without a dad. All because of me. Why did I do this? How How could I do this? I want to die. I just I I want to be with Josh. And Josh probably doesn't want to be with me. I just I I just can't imagine what it would feel like to lose Adam or Ariel. I can't even look at the baby. And Josh's family lost him. This is such a bad nightmare. I just want Josh to hold me. Just one more time and I'll say goodbye and I'll leave him alone. But at least he'll still be there for Levi and his family. He's going to be there. He's going to look over Levi. I killed him. I mean, I know what I have to do. What is that? What do you have to do? Go ahead and quit saying that. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm saying. You didn't kill him, Amber. I know, but it It was an accident that went wrong, but because of me I mean, I know I can't say those things. I know what I have to do to keep me and Levi safe. No. Um the only thing that I'm telling you is just for you to talk to your attorney. You have to be open and honest with your attorney. I'm just saying that you your emotions right now, you're in shock. What if I'm not? What if I'm just a horrible person who can't cry or You're human. You're in shock. You seen your husband that you love die. That's shock. I don't You're like in shock. Seven and a half months pregnant. You're carrying a child. I don't feel like I'm in shock. I just don't feel anything. I just keep hoping it's still that Josh is just going to walk in here. But he's not. I just God, I can't take this. So far, Amber has laid out everything she feels, but she has yet to speak about what the events leading up to the fall were. But little by little, the truth will spill out as she begins to recount exactly what the two were doing and talking about before she pushed him down 17 stories. Not only is he dead, but the way he died. I just wish it would leave my head. Every time I close my eyes, I see it. It's like torture just to My subconscious just keeps playing it over and over and over again. As if one time seeing it isn't bad enough, I have to see it over and over and over. I just want to save him. I want to save him. I just want to At least if I can go back and take back the push, at least I can save him. The push? The push. I pushed him against the wall and he Oh my god. At least I could catch him. I tried, but it was all so fast. And I just want to know what his last thoughts were. What could you think? What could go through your head when you're falling to your death? Was he fixing the TV or was the candle things? There's like these big There's like these stand-up candle things like this high. They're just like little wire things, but he was fixing the TV He was like messing with the TV right here. And the windows were here and I pushed him and he fell out of the window. fell. Oh God. I'm never going to get over this. I'm never going to understand it. I mean, I thought divorce was going to hurt. He's not even here. I can't even talk to him. From her disjointed story, one thing is certain. Josh was not the aggressor. In her own words, he was fixing the TV as Amber, unprompted, decided that she wanted to hurt him. And her method of choice was pushing him as he stood next to a window. This is important to note because after this interview, Amber went on a national media campaign to portray herself as Joshua's victim, stating that he tried to assault her. Not to mention slapping his drug past on every news network. After all, the dead can't speak. For Joshua's family, this was a nightmare as they became villains in the public eye and a dead man became the supposed perpetrator. I can't do this. Josh is gone for forever. I'm only 19. I have the next 60 years to think about this. To let it torture me. I'm never going to find someone that I love more than Josh. I'm never going to find someone as perfect for me as he was. And I ruined all of it. God, why did I do that? God, I just want to go back. What the first time y'all got in a fight? I can't do He's dead. I touched his All of his body. Everything was backwards. I rolled him over and just held him. I didn't care. I'm going to have this baby and it's going to be just like Josh. And I'm scared because it's going to remind me of him every day. Look like him. And I was supposed to enjoy it with Josh. And I stole that from Josh. I didn't I stole his whole life away from him. He's 23. He's supposed He's never going to watch He's not going to be there when Levi's born. He's not going to watch him grow up. Watch him get married, see him grow up, like Oh my god. It's okay, baby. No, Josh is gone. I mean, what if you lost papa before anything ever even got to happen? And I'm so sorry. Look at the person I am. I I don't deserve to be here. I don't get it. There's Josh out the window. Why? Why? Why? I must not. I just want to be with him. I can't accept the fact that he's not here anymore. I refuse to do that. Shame. I'm not looking forward to all the nights I'm going to spend crying, waking up screaming, dreaming about him, As long as we have therapists to help. dreaming about what happened. Every time I I just see it. I can't get it out of my head now. I just can't imagine how his parents feel. Or how his brother's going to feel. He's all the way in Afghanistan. Him and his brother have grown up protecting each other. And Joshua's brother hated Amber because of all the abuse he saw his brother suffer from. In his memo, he states that even when his brother finally built up the courage to file the restraining order, Amber and her mother blackmailed him into not divorcing at the time. Besides this, there were several incidents where Josh called Zach crying and asking for advice every time he got hurt physically or emotionally. The only reason Josh put up with this, according to Zach, was because he believed that Amber wasn't a bad person. Instead, it was her mother who was crazy, controlling her life and forcing her into bad decisions. I'm such a bad person. Josh was so special. He is so special. What am I supposed to say to them like I'm in here? Don't even think about that thing to say. Hi, are you Amber? Yes. Yeah, I'm Jeff Dalton. I'm very sorry. Very sorry. I'm sorry you I'm her grandmother, Gloria. Okay. Very sorry. We don't want to do this. Um yeah, I'd like to talk to you, get get a statement as to what happened. I mean, Can I talk to him? Yeah, can I talk to him private? Thank you, ma'am. Thanks. Mhm. How old are you? 19. How long you guys been married? make a statement. I don't want this to turn out bad. Okay. Okay, well, My mom I think is calling an attorney. Okay. Is that what you want to do? And I'm not supposed to say anything till he gets here. Okay. Who is your attorney? I don't know. Josh. Baby. I will never ever forgive myself. I can't even begin to accept this. I want you to be here. Just come back, please. Please. I love you. I love you so much. I hope I hope you are happy. I will spend the rest of my life paying for this. Oh my gosh. Don't push him. He'll get it. I just I look at this and I think of all this stuff on Josh. Everything was open. You can see God. I wish I had a time machine. I just watched him fall. I'm doing anything, standing safely in the apartment. And my the love of my life And I just kept saying to myself, "Please catch yourself. Please catch yourself." Wondering why the whole time I was ever going to think that he could catch himself. I was hoping maybe he'd just fall and break his leg or something. You was hoping he would fall? No, I mean, while he was falling, all these thoughts were running through my head like, "Please catch yourself. Just Okay. Why? Why did you Was you fixing to go out the door? What do you mean? Was you fixing When you fixing to come out of my house? Yeah, I was waiting for him to leave. I didn't even yell at him or anything. I don't know what happened. He was the one walking around yelling at me, being mean. And I was just cleaning up the glass. I didn't I didn't say anything mean to him. I didn't yell at him. I just sat in the bathroom crying so hard I was throwing up. And he came in there and said He said we I've got all these options. He said, "What do you He said, "You want me He kept saying, "What do you want to do?" And I said, "Please make your own decisions." And he said, "Okay, I will." He said, "I want to work things out with you, but we need to be separated for a while." He He had already talked to his dad. He didn't talk to you? Yeah, I had just got off the phone with them. His dad was at work, so his dad was going to pick him up after he got off of work. That's why he was going with his friend. And he was on the phone with his friend and he just hung up with his I mean, I don't even know if he was on the phone. I don't know. I just Well, then you come out of the bathroom. Yeah, it came I was getting he had dumped all my laundry out. And I was putting it all back in there. I just don't understand why. I just wish I could go back. I'd just have left. Well, you gathered your laundry up when you fixing to go out the door. Yeah, and I I couldn't leave because the guy was in there measuring the window that Josh had broke. Was all this going on with the guy there? He was out on the balcony. Measuring the window from the outside on the balcony. From the bedroom and we were in the living room. Oh. So, it was somebody in the Yeah, so I couldn't leave cuz the guy was in there measuring the apartment. This repairman that Amber mentions played a crucial role in the investigation. While he was working on the balcony, he heard arguing and screaming from inside the bedroom. Then he heard a loud crash with his co-worker saying someone had fallen out of the window. When he went inside to see what was going on, he heard Amber say, "My husband fell out of the window. I pushed him. He's probably dead." Were you all hollering and stuff? No. We weren't yelling or anything. Josh was yelling, but not while the guy was in there. Well, was the guy had he left? No, he was there when Josh fell out the door. He was still there? Yeah, he was out on the balcony and I he heard me start screaming. I was screaming. Just screaming, running around. And I ran out the door to go down the elevator to go meet to go get Josh. And he came out and he was like, "Oh my god, he fell." And I was like, "I know." I was like, "I have to go get him." While the interview ends here as Amber asked for an attorney, her story was a long way from over. Shortly after, Amber was released on bond, but was ordered to wear an ankle monitor at all times. However, on several occasions, Amber broke curfew, let her ankle monitor go uncharged, and consumed marijuana while on probation. This resulted in her losing her right to freedom twice before her trial began. When it did, Amber continued to claim self-defense saying that Josh had a drug addiction and a bad temper. All of this was in clear contradiction to what was recorded in the interview room where Amber confessed to making a mistake and that Josh was, for the most part, docile. During this time, her son was also born and was being taken care of by Amber's parents. Eventually, she was offered a plea deal. If she admitted her guilt, she would only be given 5 years in prison. Amber, however, declined the plea deal and was sentenced to the second-degree murder of her husband and given a 25-year sentence. But before she could even complete her time, Amber died. On October 24th, 2016, Amber Hilberling was found hanging in her prison cell. An autopsy stated the cause of death to be asphyxiation with a cocktail of drugs being found in her system. Methamphetamine, amphetamines, and citalopram. Amber's family believed that it wasn't but rather murder as 24 hours earlier, Amber wrote to a news station wanting to do an interview. They firmly believe that another inmate was involved in her death. But the real victim in this situation remains the couple's child who never had the chance to spend his early years with his own parents.