I'm gonna hold your hand when I say this. I didn't before, but I'm doing it now. But your toxic parent is never going to take accountability. They're not going to apologize, and they're not going to change. Okay. Hello everyone. Welcome back to another video. In this video, we're going to be looking at millennials telling their stories on why they have decided to go no contact with their boomer parents. Enjoy. You know how people make videos about their crazy partner where they're like, "Oh, who the did I marry?" Welcome to who the gave birth to me, a story about my mother. I have been no contact with my mom for almost 3 years now. There are a lot of reasons behind that and I'm not going to get into all of them, but just to say that I believe that she is a narcissist and she doesn't add anything positive to my life. She only brings drama and stress even down to like at my wedding. But I recently had to break no contact. This wasn't something that I wanted to do and I'm just hoping that sharing this will make other people who have similar relationships with their mothers feel less alone. I recently had a bilateral selfendecttomy or sterilization which I have been very open about on my social platforms. And I also told like everyone that I know, including my dad. I obviously didn't tell my mom because we weren't talking and we're no contact. And that was my right. Like I could choose to tell people or not. And when I told them, it was more of a courtesy. I was not asking for their opinion or advice. Anyway, my mom, I guess one of her friends saw the video I made about it. And then she didn't know about it and felt some way about it and started reaching out to tons of people in my family and in my friend group to harass them about how they could let me do this to myself and how devastating it was. I've been married for a really long time. My husband does not like to be on social media and so I keep him out of my content because that is his wish and I want to respect that. My sterilization had nothing to do with him. Well, imagine my shock when I find out this week that my mom is spreading rumors and not only are my husband and I not together anymore, but that he's having an affair with my younger sister. My little sister called me in a panic wanting to tell me that it wasn't true. And I was like, "Babe, of course it's not true. I know it's not true." And over the last week, two weeks, I've been getting more and more screenshots and text messages from people that I know saying, "Hey, do you know what your mom's talking about? Like, this is crazy." Also found out she's telling people that I'm gay, which nothing against that. Honestly, I wish I were gay. Women are amazing. I love you all so much. But I am unfortunately straight and attracted to men, i.e. my husband. I think this is because she sees a lot of the female friendships that I have online and for some reason can't fathom that you could just have supportive girlfriends that you have to be gay. So I broke no contact and I wrote out a letter and put it on her Facebook page for everyone to see. I asked her to stop making up lies about me. I asked her to stop spreading rumors and stop guessing about myual identity. I told her, "I'm doing great. I don't want to be in contact with you. Please do not contact me any further or talk about me or I will take legal action. Luckily, she lives in another country, so physically she could never like show up. But I will say when she was visiting my sister in a nearby city a couple years ago, my mom physically assaulted her own daughter and was arrested and sent to jail. Another one of many reasons why I like to remain no contact. And then her boyfriend decided to say, "Well, maybe if you talk to us sometimes, your mom wouldn't have to create these narratives and guess what was going on in your life." There's a difference between I hope Dominique's okay and her husband's cheating on her and she's gay. No woman wants to spend their life growing up without a mother. In fact, it is very painful to do so. If you're watching this, mom, please leave me alone. Don't contact me any further. Stop spreading rumors about me. It's just not a good look. I'm going to trauma dump here a little bit, so buckle up. I didn't talk to my father the last 10 years of his life, and when he died, I didn't go to his funeral. And I had many family members reach out to me privately and talk about how disappointing it was, about how much I am the one that was harming the family by not showing up, by me not showing up to a service to listen to a bunch of people talking about how great this person was when we damn well all knew he wasn't. But I was the one that was harming the family. I was the bad person because my not being there was an indictment of everybody else for not doing [ __ ] when he was alive. Nobody seemed to have anything to say when he was destroying his life and making sure my childhood was filled with chaos and fear. If there's one thing a family hates more than an abuser, it's a trutht teller. And when an adult child chooses to go no contact with that parent, that is a very loud truth. So, I've been no contact with my mother for two or three months now, right? And unfortunately, my mother has found estranged parent Tik Tok and Instagram res. Um, obviously she can't get in contact with me, right? So, she started to message my boyfriend because he doesn't have her blocked yet. Um, videos of boomers saying that therapists, you know, manipulated children into cutting off their own parents. And this was actually really hard for me to deal with this morning because what my mom doesn't understand is I did not block my mother because of what she did to me as a child. Um, she deserved to be blocked. She deserved to be put in prison for what she did to me as a child, right? But that's not the reason why I blocked her. I blocked my mother because of what she continues to do to me as an adult. Um, it's really hard to talk about. It's hard for me to talk about it really with anyone because most people don't understand what it's like to have a mom that hates you from the minute you're born. They don't get what it's like to have a mother who tortures you every day. They don't know what it's like to grow up in fear 247 of your mom. They don't know what it's like to listen to your mother's footsteps when you're upstairs in your room and know if you're going to get beaten or not based off of how her footsteps sound. They never had to fall asleep listening to their mom talk [ __ ] about them to their father every night in their bedroom loud enough for you to hear about how fat you are or how ugly you are. They never had their mom beat them before school and have to show up to school with a bruise on their face and lie to everyone saying that, you know, I got into a fight with a girl in Bloomingdales over a purse and she punched me. I couldn't, you know, I was too embarrassed to say it was my mother. And not that the teachers or school counselors ever helped, right? They never did. They um I would tell them, "Please don't call my mom. I'm really scared of her and she's going to hurt me." And they would never take me seriously because my parents were rich. And the rich girl can't get abused, right? The girl who has the Fendy bag at school definitely isn't getting beaten and tortured every day of her life or starved or all the other horrible things my mom did to me. You know, my mom should have been should have been cut off a long time ago because of that, but I didn't do it. And I decided to give her a chance as an adult. And I decided to create, you know, space. I moved out and I got away and I made money how I made money, right? I went and popped my kitty on only fans to survive just to get away from her and her financial control and abuse and everything like that. And I'm rich. I should be happy, right? I have a lot of money. I should be [ __ ] happy. But I'm not. I'm not. And I got tortured by my mom every single day. um in my adulthood for who I chose to date, my boyfriend, how I look, my weight, my hair, my makeup, my clothes, just treated like absolute garbage. And I finally hit my breaking point this Christmas because my boyfriend's family gave me my first Christmas where I saw a family together opening gifts and my boyfriend's mom went out of her way to get me a present. She saw I really like horses cuz I grew up riding horses but my mom ruined the sport for me. We were in Tractor Supply and I saw a plastic horse. I used to collect them when I was a kid and my boyfriend's mom saw how excited I got when I saw it and she surprised me on Christmas with it. And that was the first time I ever felt someone care about me in motherly sense. And then I went to stop by my mom's for Christmas and my mom started crying and threatening me because I brought my dad a birthday present cuz my dad's birthday was on Christmas and my mom harassed me after Christmas telling me what a horrible person I was for splitting up the holiday. And made fun of my boyfriend's mom and you know things escalated with my mom and got really bad. She started sending me naked photos and videos of myself and threatening me with it. And she started threatening to sue me because I spoke my truth about what she's done to me in life on TikTok. Um, she threatened to beat me and show up and slap me, come to my house. I'm almost 30 and I have to be scared of getting beaten by my own mother. So, it was time, right, to cut her off. And it's just it's just not many people have been through this. So it's I I suffer every day and it's hard to admit this on the internet. Um I have depression, I think, and anxiety regardless of all the good things I have in my life. Like my depression and anxiety might not be as bad as it used to be, but it's still there. My boyfriend, you know, tries his best to figure things out with me, but I can't really function. I was abused so bad my entire life that I can't function right. There's a lot of people who have met me and decided not to like me for it, which is fine. But I just can't believe my mom has the audacity to think that a therapist brainwashed me into blocking her when and she can't even she can't even just text my boyfriend and say, "I love my daughter. I miss my daughter. Tell my daughter I'm sorry." She'll never say she's sorry. She has to sit there and try to find a way to make me out to be crazy and make me out to be the abusive one for simply hitting the block button on my phone and not showing up to family holidays. It's just insane to me. Um, I guess the point of this video would be if you have a mother who loves you and you love her, you should be very grateful for that because I am almost 30 and I am fighting myself mentally every day. I may not be self-destructive in the ways I used to be with drugs and alcohol and boys and a bad life, but I'm self-destructive in different ways. Um, and my self-destruction just comes from not not being able to like live up to my fullest potential and be the Ava that I meant to be because I'm frozen and scared of life still. Still and it's like to me that's just unforgivable and that's I can't I can't unblock her for that. And sometimes I wish that I had a mother who was a good mother who died when I was young and I at least would have something to remember that involved love. But I've never experienced that. So if you've experienced love from a mother, unconditional love from your mother, you need to go hug her and say thank you because it really messes you up. I am almost 30 and I still can't get over it or function properly. because of what my mother has done to me as a child. And I know a lot of people come on TikTok and they'll say, "Oh, if you got abused by a narcissistic parent, like it gets better." Like, yeah, it gets better in some senses where you don't live with them anymore, but you are [ __ ] up for life. And I don't know how to get better. I don't know how to get better. I don't know how to get over this. I don't know how to be better. What am I supposed to do? Just eat a bunch of anti-depressants and go talk about it over and over again? I'm self-aware. I know what's wrong. I'm I feel like I got permanently damaged from when I was a baby. It's really shitty. I don't know why I'm ranting, but if you can relate, you can relate. The last time I saw my mom, I didn't know that would be the last time that I would see her. And no, she's she's not dead. We're just no contact. The last time I saw my mom, me and her were beefing hella hard. And on top of that, months leading up to me going no contact, I hadn't seen her in like 8 months. I moved into my very first apartment and she wanted my address. I trust my mom with my address because I knew who she was and I know she's like the queen of popping up over somebody's house. No matter what kind of scene she needs to cause, wants to get you, she will get you. Honestly, I took like moving into like my first apartment as opportunity to just have freedom and also institute that boundary of like I'm not comfortable with you knowing where I am because I know how you are and if I say I don't want to see you right now. I don't want to talk to you right now. I need some space. She's not going to respect that. Call me like super late at night one night. It was like a Saturday night. Call me like cussing me out. You ungrateful be you this. you dad, you ain't never going to see. You was a mistake. At that point in time, honestly, I had been dealing with so much other crap that she had no idea that was going on because I didn't trust her that I was I was already mentally checked out and I was numb. I wasn't surprised. I wasn't surprised by the things that she was saying, but I was absolutely fed up and I was just trying to get to a place where I just wanted to be happy. I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to start walking with God. So scared to do this because it's my mom. Like this is the only this is the person that raised me. I have no other parent. Like I didn't grow up with my dad. Your parent is supposed to be part of your life. I'm out here newly a new graduate, fresh in the world, 20some. I don't know nothing really about nothing. Damn. I guess I'm just going to be out here figuring life out by myself. But I was just like, "No, I'm just done with it. I'm not about to stay here and take this mental and a verbal abuse just because I'm scared of being by myself." That movie I'd rather do bad by myself. Baby, if that was not my motto, rather be doing bad by myself than to be up here faking, pretending to be buddy buddy yada yada yada with somebody that I know don't like me and my own mama ain't really like me. So I was like, listen, I and I really know like girl, why don't you like I love you down. Like why don't you like me? Like I'm here. I'm your daughter. Like all I ever want to do is make you proud and make you happy. And it seemed like every time I accomplish these things, that pisses you off, but to everybody else, you want to go brag and be like, "My daughter's doing this, my daughter doing that, she here, she there, but you're not really trying to support me." After she calling, "Give me the cut cussing me out." She like, "Come get your [ __ ] out of my house." D. So the next morning, I had this suitcase, this funky purple suitcase. Will was all messed up, but honestly, it had three Goodwills, so I was like, "Here we go." to her house. I remember I had keys. I'm going to use the keys. I knocked on her door cuz very much given I you don't want me in your house. You don't want my stuff in your house, baby. Here's your keys. She opens the door and she's like, "Oh, hey." See my suitcase and she started laughing. I guess she thought it was going to work out and like things are going to happen how they always did. Like she cussed me out. We'll just like sweep it under the rug. You know, we not going we going to talk about it, but we're not really going to talk about it. But baby, I was fed up. I was fed. I was so fed up. I was like, "No, I'm not doing this anymore." Shout out to therapy and shout out to my therapist because we had started talking about boundaries. And I was heavy in my boundaries back. I mean, I was nervous because, you know, if you're a people pleaser and standing 10 toes down on your boundaries, you're figuring out what your boundaries are. You're like instituting the repercussions and when your boundaries are broken, it's just like to me like everything was normal. Everything was regular. She in the kitchen cooking. I want no meal. I want no parts. I just want to grab my stuff and I want to go. I'm not here for no small talk, nothing. I packed up all my stuff. I looked at her face. I said, "I got all my things. Here are your keys." Said, "My heart was pumping." It was pumping cuz one, I didn't know how my mama would react. Has a tendency to get violence. I didn't know she was like going to try to smack me up, punch me up before I left or she was going to chase me down the street. Like, I had no idea. I knew something in my spirit knew like that was like a cut off. I just made my way back to the L with my stuff. That suitcase was so heavy. It was so heavy. I don't even really remember all that I got, but I know it was heavy. I just remember sitting on the L and I'm just like internally I'm just so sad cuz I'm like damn like how did our relationship get here? And meanwhile this this guy, hey, beautiful. Sir, sir, sir, I'm having a mental breakdown right now. Sir, please leave me alone. Leave me alone right now. Okay. I'm trying to have my menty be in private even though I'm on a public transit, but leave me alone. I think what a lot of people miss is that a lot of us didn't actually want to go no contact with our parents. We were forced to because when a parent puts a child in a position where the child has to choose themselves and their mental health over the emotional, physical, spiritual damage that's being done to the child by the parent. It's one of the most difficult decisions that an individual can make. And I think it's really important to note that a lot of us understand the trauma that our parents went through prior to having us. We understand that they didn't have the resources that we have now. We understand that they didn't grow up the way that we have grown up with them. But all we have ever asked of them is to stop treating us as if what they've done to us has had no impact on us, especially when we've taken the time to understand how their lives and their parents have impacted them. I told my mother directly that I would rather be homeless on the street with nothing and have a healthy relationship with her than have her speak to me and treat me the way that she has. And it still didn't click for her. I went through some of the worst losses in my life and she mocked the entire situation. So for me, when a parent kicks a child when they're at the low points that I have faced, you force me to go no contact with you because at that point, contact with you is causing me physical harm. A lot of people don't understand that a lot of us have very internal reactions to the hurt and pain that our parents have caused us that manifests itself in a physical nature. For me, I start shaking. I get night sweats. I start having panic attacks. It affects me to the point where I can't even mentally focus. And this has shown up in a plethora of my relationships, romantic relationships with partners who mirrored behavior of my parents, specifically my mother and my well, yeah, those are my parents. I mean, I don't claim them. Anyway, what I'm saying is people have to push a lot of us to the point of no contact because a lot of us want those very relationships that you guys are telling us that we need. That's your mom. That's your dad. That's your husband. That's your sister. That's your auntie. That's your uncle. Okay. And who am I? Who am I? Do I not matter in this equation? Because if I'm not going to matter to you them, I have to matter to myself. Like, I can't just continue to put everyone ahead of me. And that's why a lot of us have chosen to go no contact. And there are plenty of us that are not going to come back for the inheritance because we never needed your money. We wanted your love, respect, kindness, protection, care. That's what we wanted. And I'm not saying that money doesn't matter because it does. But what mattered more was love and respect for my parents, not what they gave me. And I've been an empath and a people pleaser. So, you know, if I had to cut somebody off, I had to be pushed there because doormats put up with everything. These are the things that I didn't expect when I went no contact with my mom. I have been no contact with my mom on and off for the past 10 years, but I would say it's been pretty consistent for the last 5 or 6 years. When I say no contact, I mean no contact. I don't have her phone number. I don't have her address. She She met my son, but only once when he was two years old and now he's about to be seven years old this year. And she's never met my daughter and she has not met my fiance. And the one thing that I did not expect when I went no contact with her was the amount of people in my life that would meet me for the very first time, find out that I'm no contact with my mom, and then ask me to mend the relationship. They would just automatically assume that that was my first course of action. And I did nothing to try to make the relationship between me and my mom work before I cut her off. And what I need for people to realize is that is the result of trying to make the relationship work. The no contact is the end of something. It's not the beginning of something. Typically, adult children that have gone no contact with their parents, that wasn't their first plan of action. They tried for probably many years to make the relationship with their mom or dad work. I know for me personally, there were years where my mom didn't take accountability. It wasn't just one conversation. True healing between two people cannot happen if only one person is acknowledging the trauma. And then even once the trauma is acknowledged, there needs to be a change in behavior. And it drives me absolutely insane when people just think, "Oh, you took the easy way out by just cutting her off." That was not the easy part. That was a very difficult decision. And it's a decision that I personally do not regret because I know everything that took place. And I know that I'd made the best decision for myself. And as a result of not having contact with me, she also does not have contact with my children. And I've said this in a video before, but children, no matter what the age, do not owe their parents anything. And that includes contact with their grandchildren. Parenting is a one-way street. It always has been that way. It is a job that you do not get thanked for because your children did not ask to be here. You did not have to have them. I also didn't expect the fallout that would happen with other family members because of my decision to cut off my mom. There are family members that don't talk to me, mostly siblings, just because of the fact that I won't have a relationship with our mom. And that's okay, too, because although we have the same mother, I do realize we had a different experience with her based on the amount of time that we spent around her. I'm just saying if you meet a person and find out that they're no contact with their parents, please respect their decision. And keep in mind that it is always the parents responsibility to mend that relationship. It's never the child's responsibility, no matter how old they are. This is the least favorite part of my job. My patient is asking me to call his son who he has not spoken to in 10 years and tell him to come visit him before he dies. Okay. Okay. So, he said no, he's not going to come. I said that I respect that decision. Asked if he wants me to notify him whenever his dad does die, and he said yes. I have to go in here now and tell the patient that. Okay. I told my patient. Didn't go well. I told him that his son said that he doesn't want to come. Uh, the patient asked if I told him that he was dying. I said I did. He said, "You should have told him that he had to come." I said, "I'm not going to do that." I offered if my patient wants to write his son a letter that I will get it to him, but I said, "I can't. I can't tell you that he'll open it." He, my patient told me to get out. I love this patient so much, but it's just not my place to guilt trip someone into coming. I have no idea what this person was like the first 80 years of their life before I met them. As much as it sucks to get yelled at in that way, hopefully hopefully I did the right thing. Final thoughts. There is an increase in the number of people cutting off their parents. I mean, boomer parents. But there's one thing I've noticed about this trend. as anybody else. Notice that when an adult child chooses not to have a relationship with a parent, it's always, but it's your mom and dad. You only get one mom and dad. Why are you doing that? And it's never. What could a parent have done to have caused a child to make this drastic decision or feel like it was the right one? It's never what happened that made a grown adult feel like they need to walk away from the people who raised them. And it's definitely never. But they are your children. How can you treat them that way? Why is the burden of maintaining peace, preserving connections, and forgiving endlessly dumped on the child who is probably the one carrying the scars? It's unfortunate that no one ever stops to think maybe that parent wasn't a safe person and the parent was emotionally manipulative, abusive, dismissive, narcissistic or just constantly absent when it mattered most. Parent was just a title and it wasn't something that they lived up to. And yet the child is the one questioned. The child is the one who is guilted, shamed or gaslit. There is this automatic defense of the parent as if the role of the parent comes with lifetime immunity from accountability. Here is the absolute truth. People don't cut off their parents for no reason. It's not impulsive. It's not heartless. It's usually the last result after years of trying, years of hoping things would change, years of therapy, tears, inner conflict. It's often deep painful act of self-preservation. And yet the society keeps asking the wrong questions. Instead of why did you walk away, maybe it's time to start asking what happened that made staying impossible. Please don't forget to like, share, and subscribe to the channel if you haven't.