This is the pizza bandit. This is Tony Cheesy Romano. And Tony Cheesy Romano has a problem. A big cheesy greasy problem. He can't stop stealing pizza. I mean, he just can't. The smell of a fresh pizza, it just does something to him. It brings out the monster inside. A monster that has to have that pizza, even if it means stealing it. It all started when Tony was just a little kid. One day, his mom ordered a pizza, but when it arrived, it was burnt to a crisp. So, Tony did what any reasonable kid would do. He took matters into his own hands, and he ate the whole thing. From that day on, he was hooked. He had to have pizza like literally every day. But he didn't have the money to buy it, so he started stealing it. At first, it was just the corner store. He'd wait until they weren't looking and grab a slice. Then he graduated to hijacking the delivery guy, taking the whole box and running away. But he always left one slice uneaten in the box behind. You could say he was a one slice wonder, but then he started leaving his calling card on the lid, a greasy cartoon handprint, and the words, "Too cheesy to catch." The cops were hot on his trail, literally. They were chasing him through pizza parlors all over town, slipping on pepperoni, trying to dust his prince off the boxers. But he was too quick for them. I mean, he was fast, like the delivery guy on a scooter. Then one day, he led them on a chase to a giant pizza factory on the outskirts of town. There, he made one fatal mistake. He got cocky as he ran through the kitchen. He tried to escape on a rolling dough machine, but he got stuck in a mountain of mozzarella. The cops finally caught up to him and they wrestled him to the ground. They locked him up in prison where he was only allowed to eat plain salad. No pizza, no cheese, nothing but lettuce and tomato. Maybe that's why he went straight to jail. The moral of this story, don't steal pizza. Or if you're going to steal pizza, don't leave a calling card. That's all for now.